Thanks MLH- seeing him again makes me realize that I could possibly do this as long as I want to and only so long as I choose to. I think what you said is so important about paying attention to his actions as well to my reactions. And to honestly gain clarity as to what I want out of life. The hard and fast truth would be to ask myself if I met him today would I want him in my life. Even without the addiction and even without the mental health issues. What has he brought to my life? I realize I keep going back to work out some painful part of this relationship or past relationships around betrayal and abandonment. I have healed so much as a result of this relationship. Am I done learning from this one? Going to try and go easier on myself and also keep the focus on me and not him. Starting therapy again today. I am so thankful for my amazing support system and I am taking care of me first.