Your story resembles my story... My EXAH loved calling me a bitch, c**t, etc.. The Codie in me always ignored it along with the lies and lies and more lies and the fact that I did everything under sun for him, always making excuses for his actions.. It wasn't until the day that he physically shoved me out of his room and left a bruise on me that I was able to say ENOUGH!!!!! I'm not going to live like this anymore.. Not only was he abusing drugs he was abusing me and I didn't even realize it until he physically assaulted me...
yours isn't a Codie story, it's a story of being brave and taking care of you and your well being..
I filed for divorce less then a week after he shoved me.. I went through some painful moments but ya know what I walked through to the other side ok and so will you.. Stay strong and keep posting here..
See if your employer has an employee assistance program.. Mine does and it paid for three visits to a therapist.. It helped me get through those first few weeks of hurt and anxiety that comes with any breakup.. Of course now that my D is newly final I'm going through all sorts of emotions and feel like I should maybe continue with some therapy for awhile.. Finances are a concern so I'm looking into my options for therapists that offer sliding scale payments based on income..
Having a support system helps a lot and I have found that through alanon, this board and close family and friends.. Be gentle with yourself through this time.. I have to keep reminding myself to do that because I'm a control freak by nature and feel that I have to have everything done at once :-)
Good luck and feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk privately