When do you say enough is enough?

Old 01-02-2013, 11:07 PM
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When do you say enough is enough?

I've got a sad codie story.

I was with my ex-ABF for a period of about 3 weeks up until December 29 (which was my birthday). We spent a lot of time together (you could call it the honeymoon phase) but suddenly after Christmas he started getting mouthy, rude and aggressive.

I'll admit that I provoked him because he was drinking again, using a gift card he stole from my purse and lied about using (i saw the purchases online) and I was very upset at him and confronted him.

So we got into a huge argument and he shoved me. I'll admit he's said and done some pretty stupid sh*t but he has never touched me like that before.

The codie in me actually TOOK it. I'm surprised I didn't walk out right there and then but it wasn't until the 29th, when he was supposed to meet me for my birthday, he decided to not show up (he was busy doing 'other' things) and when I got upset about it, he shoved me out of his room multiple times while calling me horrible names, slammed a door on my hand and nearly broke it, then harassed me the entire time I walked home at 1:00 in the morning (he got out of his vehicle and tried to intimidate me by shoving me while I was trying to walk by him)

I told myself I had enough.

I got home and spoke to my parents, and told him if he doesn't leave me alone then I'm calling the police.

I blocked all his incoming calls/texts, now he's been emailing me constantly but I am not letting myself feel sorry for him anymore. Which is what my problem was, the codie in me couldn't say "NO" to him, no matter how much of a jerk he was, I always felt bad for him. I know I sound like a total harsh person to him but I don't care anymore.

I don't have to show my love and support through anyone that thinks calling me a c*nt, wh*re, b*tch and physically hurting me are ways to show their love.

Forget it. That was just the icing on the cake, he never changed, he actually got progressively WORSE! And worse from verbal abuse to physical? No thank you. That isn't the life for me.

I'm trying to get into counseling as soon as I can afford it through my insurance, because I know I'm not healthy. I've seen many of my posts about my ex-ABF that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to shake him away. I don't want to fall back into the same pattern again. There is no way I can be with someone that treats people this way.

Never settle for less, never let them get away with calling you names or hurting you verbally or physically.

That was my breaking point when I said I can't save this relationship anymore, as tough as it sounds.
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Old 01-03-2013, 02:45 AM
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Good for you, leave him in your dust, he is a loser. Verbal and physical abuse are deal breakers.

Therapy is a wonderful idea, you certainly don't want to get hooked up with another guy like this ever again.
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Old 01-03-2013, 05:54 AM
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a sad codie story? man, it was actually uplifting to me.

you said no thanks, not the life for me. which means...you win. you get it. you're right on the money.

i understand the sadness...but you did what a healthy person does. you said, "unacceptable--this ends now." You weren't put on this planet to be some dimwit's punching bag.

a personal aside: i've been with my share of losers, but none raised a hand to me. i believe that is because my Higher Power, in His wisdom, knew that I woul try to take down any man who hit me, permanently.

Not proud of it, but there it is.
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Old 01-03-2013, 10:26 AM
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Originally Posted by SoLongFarewell View Post
I've got a sad codie story.

I was with my ex-ABF for a period of about 3 weeks up until December 29 (which was my birthday). We spent a lot of time together (you could call it the honeymoon phase) but suddenly after Christmas he started getting mouthy, rude and aggressive.

I'll admit that I provoked him because he was drinking again, using a gift card he stole from my purse and lied about using (i saw the purchases online) and I was very upset at him and confronted him.

So we got into a huge argument and he shoved me. I'll admit he's said and done some pretty stupid sh*t but he has never touched me like that before.

The codie in me actually TOOK it. I'm surprised I didn't walk out right there and then but it wasn't until the 29th, when he was supposed to meet me for my birthday, he decided to not show up (he was busy doing 'other' things) and when I got upset about it, he shoved me out of his room multiple times while calling me horrible names, slammed a door on my hand and nearly broke it, then harassed me the entire time I walked home at 1:00 in the morning (he got out of his vehicle and tried to intimidate me by shoving me while I was trying to walk by him)

I told myself I had enough.

I got home and spoke to my parents, and told him if he doesn't leave me alone then I'm calling the police.

I blocked all his incoming calls/texts, now he's been emailing me constantly but I am not letting myself feel sorry for him anymore. Which is what my problem was, the codie in me couldn't say "NO" to him, no matter how much of a jerk he was, I always felt bad for him. I know I sound like a total harsh person to him but I don't care anymore.

I don't have to show my love and support through anyone that thinks calling me a c*nt, wh*re, b*tch and physically hurting me are ways to show their love.

Forget it. That was just the icing on the cake, he never changed, he actually got progressively WORSE! And worse from verbal abuse to physical? No thank you. That isn't the life for me.

I'm trying to get into counseling as soon as I can afford it through my insurance, because I know I'm not healthy. I've seen many of my posts about my ex-ABF that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to shake him away. I don't want to fall back into the same pattern again. There is no way I can be with someone that treats people this way.

Never settle for less, never let them get away with calling you names or hurting you verbally or physically.

That was my breaking point when I said I can't save this relationship anymore, as tough as it sounds.
Well, it sounds like you know when enough is enough to me.

I have nothing to add, really. Just be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself. Make your well-being your Number One priority. And don't let anyone get in the way of that.

Best,
ZoSo
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Old 01-03-2013, 10:48 AM
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as a woman that tolerated abuse for far too long I want to applaud you for shutting the door on this relationship NOW. It takes what it takes for us to get there - but now you are there and it's a GREAT thing!

I'm glad that you are going to seek out help for you. I hate to admit it but this was not the first abusive relationship that I ended up in. I've had to dig really deep and take a look at myself and figure out why I don't believe/accept/get that I deserve better. I've been trying to heal really old wounds by choosing heels that create even more wounds. Not a good way to go about things! Anyway....

So glad that you posted this and that you have ended things. Stick to it...recognize that your mind might play tricks on you and try to convince you that things really "weren't all that bad". They were, they are, they will be.

Happy New Year!
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Old 01-03-2013, 10:53 AM
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Hi SoLong, I think you are on the road to a happier life!

Good for you for dumping him now! You did the right thing, believe me! Once they start with the abuse, they continue until they either hurt you or kill you! You deserve better!

Heck, doesn't sound like you need counseling, it sounds like you are one brave woman! The fact that you told your parents was great. I think a CODIE would not have mentioned it, because in the back of their mind they really would go back with him; however, you must mean business now!

I for one am happy that it only took you 3 weeks to learn what took me 35 years!

Keep posting, it helps!

Happy New Year, you've got a great start this year!

Hugs, Devastated
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Old 01-03-2013, 01:34 PM
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Your story resembles my story... My EXAH loved calling me a bitch, c**t, etc.. The Codie in me always ignored it along with the lies and lies and more lies and the fact that I did everything under sun for him, always making excuses for his actions.. It wasn't until the day that he physically shoved me out of his room and left a bruise on me that I was able to say ENOUGH!!!!! I'm not going to live like this anymore.. Not only was he abusing drugs he was abusing me and I didn't even realize it until he physically assaulted me...

yours isn't a Codie story, it's a story of being brave and taking care of you and your well being..

I filed for divorce less then a week after he shoved me.. I went through some painful moments but ya know what I walked through to the other side ok and so will you.. Stay strong and keep posting here..

See if your employer has an employee assistance program.. Mine does and it paid for three visits to a therapist.. It helped me get through those first few weeks of hurt and anxiety that comes with any breakup.. Of course now that my D is newly final I'm going through all sorts of emotions and feel like I should maybe continue with some therapy for awhile.. Finances are a concern so I'm looking into my options for therapists that offer sliding scale payments based on income..

Having a support system helps a lot and I have found that through alanon, this board and close family and friends.. Be gentle with yourself through this time.. I have to keep reminding myself to do that because I'm a control freak by nature and feel that I have to have everything done at once :-)

Good luck and feel free to pm me if you ever want to talk privately
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Old 01-03-2013, 01:49 PM
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What a wonderful birthday present to give yourself and a wonderful way to start a new year,
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