Can fear alone keep me sober?
Long story short...I have drank since I was about 18. It's gotten way out of control in the last year. Got a DUI a month ago, my husband is so upset with me and I may get kicked out of my program at school.
Getting a DUI was awful. The whole process of a DUI is AWFUL! My husband and my family were shocked, this is totally unlike me. But I was also hiding my drinking very well. I am scared to death. Alcohol is not worth all of this. It's not worth losing my husband, it's not worth losing the career I'm working so hard towards. My lawyer and a substance abuse counselor he sent me to told me to immediately get to AA meetings. They have helped, a little. I'll be honest, I'm not fully investing myself to the program. I don't really like to share all my personal feelings and business with strangers. But it has been helpful to go listen to other people. I am also having a really hard time with a higher power and "turning things over to a higher power" like they want you to do in AA. I feel like I am totally responsible for my actions and I guess I'm a bit of a control freak because I can't just turn my life and my decisions over to something I don't believe in.
I guess what I'm hoping will get me through all this mess is just being scared to death and realizing I really could mess up my entire life if I continue drinking the way I have. I have been sober for 30 days now, and that is huge for me. I know there are other programs I could look in to. AA isn't the only thing out there. I'm just wondering if anyone else just quit out of pure fear and smartened up on their own?