It's good that you're aware of the problem. Many of us have walked the same path as you. I drank hard for 25 years, and I'm astonished that I seem (knock on wood) not to have permanently damaged myself. The last few years it's been 20+ bottles of wine per week, drinking 365 days per year.
The rule of thumb is that if you think you have a problem you probably do. Can you speak to a military chaplin? There are lots more resources for behavioral health in the military than there were 20 years ago. If nothing else look for an AA chapter. Or google AVRT; that really helped me.
Your wife doesn't understand because she can't. I don't think anyone can really understand an addict without having been one. But you don't have to face this burden alone.