Confused
I drink a lot. I drink probably around 8-12 beers a day on average. I am a medic in the infantry in the Army. My superiors are horrible to me. I did not drink before the army, but I have 2.5 years left. I am leaving for a month next week for field training then I leave for deployment shortly after.
I feel like a shitbag because I have not deployed yet. I feel like I have no reason to feel stressed out. But every single day at work is ******* awful. I spend every night that I am not at work worrying about going to work. I am up super late tonight because I have a late call coming back from paternity/Christmas leave. I am drunk now. My wife does not understand that every day that I go to work is like living on pins and needles. I complain while I am at home so much, she hates it. I try to suck it up so I can continue on to make a decent living for my wife and 3 week old son, but after over a year of it I am realizing that I cannot continue drinking like this every day. My liver will go out or I will get in trouble. I cannot really talk to anyone about it. My wife has 0 sympathy or understanding for it. My coworkers always complain about all the wrongs at work. We have several alcoholics at work but everyone turns it into a joke.
I feel like a ***** for coming on here and whining. But I have to let off some steam.
Any tips/tricks or advice would be much appreciated.