I've never seen anyone capable of posting here who was incapable of getting sober and staying that way, GM.
I've seen a lot of people who, for whatever reasons, are unwillingly to do what it takes tho.
You've got a lot to work through - and it's tough when your only coping mechanism in the past is alcohol...but you can do it.
The seemingly impossible does gets easier...one foot after another, one day at a time.
2 meetings is a great start
If you continue to feel this despair tho, could maybe seeing a Dr help?
D