HopefulmomtoD - I have a 21yo (trying to recover) AS. I am pretty new to this so I have a bit of a different take on this. As I type this my son is sitting on the sofa beside me watching The Grinch with the family. My son doesn't live here now but because of the holidays he feels to vulnerable to stay at his place in fear of slipping up which he did a few days ago and called me to come get him. I have always told him I will not live with an active alcoholic and I won't. But I am his mother and as long as he is truly trying and working his program and attending AA and counseling I will always be his soft place to land.
I don't know your whole story and how much you have gone through with your son so I can only tell you from my perspective with my son. I would allow him home over the holidays and give him a warm meal and a bed. This is what I did with my son a few months back. I would set up a meeting time for tomorrow and have a list of what you expect and how long he can stay. We wrote a contract with my son and it has about 10 points on it. When he chose to leave we let him know that he was making that choice that we weren't kicking him out. I must say that my son wants help and truly wants to get sober and stay sober. It is a process and even though I felt like he should just stop the disease tells him otherwise.
I know that what I am saying is pretty much against the advice from the long timers on this site but if you believe your son is trying then be his soft place to land. Set strong and firm boundaries and once you say it follow through (make sure it is in writing) but let him know that you are his mother and the love you have for him is impossible for him to understand until his little one is born.
I'll be saying a prayer for your entire family tonight.