I'm sorry I missed your post first time around, as I was at the end of my semester. You ask:
Why is he angry with me? He said He hurt me so much and cant say sorry enough , knew if i found out i would leave.
then why is he surprised i left and angry at me? Why do I feel like I'm a bad person for leaving him.. I made a decision based on what I want from a relationship. I want the best for him I hope he can keep a healthy life but I'm not to blame for this. it's so hard to leave someone you loved so much. How can he say things to me..how did he prove his love to me then. That syringe was his love.
Talk about cognitive dissonance, huh?
If you try to figure him out, you'll go nuts, so don't try. He's an addict. His eyes look one direction, and that's inward. So, it's all about him, and because it's all about him, he will lie, cheat and steal without conscience. He will manipulate you or anyone to get what he wants.
Now, can he change? Sure. The question is, and always is, is he willing to do the hard work on himself so that he can be a healthy person. A lot of addicts aren't, but they'll talk a really good game to make you think that they are. It's smoke and mirrors.
At the end of the day, the only thing you can manage is yourself, your feelings, and your actions. So, be open to learning all you can here. Accept that your feelings are going to be all over the place from time to time. That's normal, and that will pass.
Just remember this, though. He's like a live wire. And if you don't want to get shocked, then don't pick it up.
ZoSo