This is my second Christmas without my emotionally abusive AH. It took a year and a half just to get the divorce because he was dragging his feet. As soon as we would near a court date, he would try to harm himself. He ended up in a psychiatric hospital and drug treatment. I no longer feel sorry for him and I will not bail him out of the problems he made for himself. Creditors still call my home for him. I too find myself harboring some thoughts/hopes that he will have a major melt down (he is maintaining after the last hospital stay in September). It makes me feel guilty for having this feeling. Perhaps it is evidence of his continued hijacking of my emotions.