h00ped

I hear ya Audrey. Largely why I kept contact with my XABF and tried to be supportive over the last year (since the "discovery" of his well hidden demons) was since the beginning of our relationship, he's made subtle and not-so-subtle comments that expresses he believes I am the greatest love of his life and if I leave, he would never seek out love and just be on his own forever, and move across the country because the separation would be too painful. He says it would be like losing his mother (which happened in early childhood and could be the cause of the drinking) all over again. He's quite a bit older than me, so that adds the pressure psychologically that he really may believe this (rather than using it as a manipulative tool, jury's out on that one). In my heart, I have moved on (romantically), but I have been so afraid to make the final cut-off, and deliver a blow to his fragile heart, especially in early stages of recovery, and knowing his abandonment issues.

You feel you're trapped in a lose-lose situation. And deep down you do care about the person, and facing the fact that love and support can't save someone, is really, really hard to accept. And I can't see an addict pulling through without support, either. When someone has burned all their bridges and you are the only one left, there is a lot of pressure not to abandon. But frustrating to know that further attempts to help are likely just. not. going. to. work.