Audrey, PohsFriend has a good point there about the underlying person.
Is there too much damage to go back to the way things once were when you were happy with him?
If you are afraid you might need a can of mace at some point in your future, that is no way to live. I would exit the relationship at that point. Should the relationship repair itself while living apart, fine. But living with a can of mace is no way for you to live, in that kind of fear. There may simply be too much damage, Audrey. Some things can't be undone, even with good future behavior. If you fear for your safety, then that line has been crossed.