Yup still here and still sober at the end of day 105.
Saw a shrink today to fulfill an obligation to my insurance companies to confirm ya , depressed but I have been for a long time and shoveling alcohol down my throat probably the biggest counterproductive things I could do to get better......and wow , it won't get better over night and some of this won't get healed but will be accepted and less painful in time. Unlike last time through this merry go round and headed back to work too soon this time the doc will keep me out for a while as I have the coverage and chance of relapse apparently goes up when you go back to a job you really don't like for a company you no longer respect....but hey I will have a job at the end and for that I am grateful. Nobody said I was to love my job and who I did it for in life but employment isn't all of life like I have made it a times....
Anyway no pity party as this stuff is not happening to me but is happening for me ...for me to get to the work that has been needed for a long time. It would be my bruised ego saying its all happening to me and that the world was out to get me because my plans and decisions were obviously not at fault......lots of other delusional crap were I refused to see my part in things with any clarity and some stuff I had no chance of doing anything about... While my slate is not clean as I get along with the steps some garbage can be dealt with and some sanity begin to replace whatever my best thinking was for the last decade and longer... kind of amazed I made some good decisions inside all the chaos :-)
Wishing everyone a good 24