Aw thanks all. You all really helped. I don't feel so alone it now which is great. When I try to talk to this about other people who have grown-up without this craziness they just look confused, so this has helped me. There has been so many family rows and dramas over the years, at least I'm no longer causing them but the co-dependent bit of me starts itching away.
My brothers are decent people in their own way (as hopefully I am) but I think I'm still putting too much focus on us one day all being happy together, I need my own life.