Thanks all! Yes, I'm pretty unsatisfied with the rehab. But, trying to work my new Al-Anon tools and not bitch about it to regulate my anxiety and saddness.
On the "tell by behavior" thing, I agree, I can tell my partner has been using from a mile away, by the look in his eye. But, if we're temporarily separated until he gets 6 months clean, I won't be living with him to see it. And, he will want to see our daughter, and if he is sober and focusing on her then I want that too!
But, if he's using or acting like a dry drunk, I don't want him responsible for her. But, I feel like the only thing I can actually enforce is using/drinking, not behavior, when I'm not really around to see how he's living his life. Maybe I'm wrong about that...
He's addicted to Ambien, primarily, then the other sedative-hypnotic sleeping pills (Lunesta, Sonata), then any benzodiazapine he can get (but of course has preferences like klonipin), then muscle relaxers like Soma if he can get a doc to prescribe them but he hasn't done that in a while, but a new affinity for a Trammadol (he tells himself it's less addictive b/c it's not a real opiate), and he even abuses a drug he gets MDs to prescribe for him for nerve pain called Neurontin/Gabapentin. It's not normally abused and hardly ever tested for, but if you take enough it'll get you intoxicated. And, he'll take as much as he has. He'll take 30 Ambien in a 24-48 hour period. He is an addict.
But, the drug test I would need, enforced by a third party testing agency and not me (I don't want to get in the business of checking up on his behavior and managing his drug testing) is $200 to detect the full range of drugs he abuses. HE also abuses alcohol, but only when he's taking pills b/c they intensify the effect. But, maybe the Soberlink would help, because once he's used any pill, he will drink w/out any control. That is how his addiction works.
Anyhow, any other ideas on boundaries to protect children while parents are separated much appreciated.