Desperate4

My husband is in in-patient treatment. I am cynical about it working and him finding lasting recovery, as this aint our first rodeo with his addiction. This is his 5th formal recovery program, 1 prior inpatient and 3 prior outpatient, not to mention a few outpaitent detoxes without an IOP program. Needless to say, I've lost hope.

But, he is clean today and says he's planning to stay that way. I spoke with him this morning, and I felt like he sounded like the same person he was when he was actively using. He told me 28 days was all he could stay (we had discussed and I was expecting 'long term' in-patient treatment). He said that "the people there" (i.e. at and in the treatment center) were "laughing at his addiction," because it was nothing compared to some of theres. I was livid at hearing that. This is an addiction that's lasted through 5-10 attempts at sobriety, that's led him to drive our infant daughter while obliterated more than once, and countless of other hurts and pains. I don't feel hopeful at all after this conversation. He's not even close to making any amends.

But, I am trying to work my own al-anon recovery and prepare for his returning to town with some boundaries meant to protect our daughter. I'm not ready to legally divorce or separate, and I don't want to do that until I am--I still have some faint hope that if he stays sober for 6 months or more we can consider healing our relationship. But, in the mean time, while I am creating a boundary for myself (6 months clean before we talk about moving back home), I am sort of lost on how to protect my daughter.

Some people in AA/Al-Anon have suggested weekly random drug testing once he's out of treatment (and the type of test that would actually catch his addiction, b/c it's to rx drugs and not the usual ones). I called today and it's $200 a pop. So, the suggestion of weekly testing seems really expensive.

I don't want to alleniante him from our daughter, but I don't want ot be terrified when he is with her or subject her to harm. Does anyone have any experience with boundaries they used to protect young children from an addict who is in recovery but has a track record of relapsing and has never stayed clean for more than 60 days? Your experiences appreciated.