Ultrabunny you have no need to apologise. I've read the whole post as if it was me who started it, and the bashing you got about AA was very overwhelming and the way what you said was quoted and chucked back was awful. I tend to sit here and read rather than post for fear of the replies, However I'm hanging on to SR because it is keeping me sober while I work through my thoughts and concerns about getting through xmas.
I tried AA meetings and they are certainly not for me, I went to several different ones over several weeks, I done everything that was suggested and read everything there was to read I put aa before my own family but the atmosphere and their ways drove me to a very bad desperate state of mind, it left me drained and exhusted. Listening to everyone's lowest point over and over again everybody talking about themselves and yes they would always speak to me but it always went back to them. My turning point was when a small child had been kidnaped and one of the ladies there said she prayed for the poor sick man who took the child and the rest of the group let out a sigh of agreement. As a mother I beleive they were praying for the wrong sort and their thoughts and prayers should have been with the family and the safe return of the small girl.
There is no way I want to turn my life over to AA and live everyday the way aa tells me to. I am looking at other alternatives but sometime I just want to log on and have someone listen to my way of thinking at the moment no matter how irrational it may be.
Ultrabunny it will be hard, but as each day passes, you will learn something about yourself and it will make you stronger.