Apologies if...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 18
Ultrabunny you have no need to apologise. I've read the whole post as if it was me who started it, and the bashing you got about AA was very overwhelming and the way what you said was quoted and chucked back was awful. I tend to sit here and read rather than post for fear of the replies, However I'm hanging on to SR because it is keeping me sober while I work through my thoughts and concerns about getting through xmas.
I tried AA meetings and they are certainly not for me, I went to several different ones over several weeks, I done everything that was suggested and read everything there was to read I put aa before my own family but the atmosphere and their ways drove me to a very bad desperate state of mind, it left me drained and exhusted. Listening to everyone's lowest point over and over again everybody talking about themselves and yes they would always speak to me but it always went back to them. My turning point was when a small child had been kidnaped and one of the ladies there said she prayed for the poor sick man who took the child and the rest of the group let out a sigh of agreement. As a mother I beleive they were praying for the wrong sort and their thoughts and prayers should have been with the family and the safe return of the small girl.
There is no way I want to turn my life over to AA and live everyday the way aa tells me to. I am looking at other alternatives but sometime I just want to log on and have someone listen to my way of thinking at the moment no matter how irrational it may be.
Ultrabunny it will be hard, but as each day passes, you will learn something about yourself and it will make you stronger.
I tried AA meetings and they are certainly not for me, I went to several different ones over several weeks, I done everything that was suggested and read everything there was to read I put aa before my own family but the atmosphere and their ways drove me to a very bad desperate state of mind, it left me drained and exhusted. Listening to everyone's lowest point over and over again everybody talking about themselves and yes they would always speak to me but it always went back to them. My turning point was when a small child had been kidnaped and one of the ladies there said she prayed for the poor sick man who took the child and the rest of the group let out a sigh of agreement. As a mother I beleive they were praying for the wrong sort and their thoughts and prayers should have been with the family and the safe return of the small girl.
There is no way I want to turn my life over to AA and live everyday the way aa tells me to. I am looking at other alternatives but sometime I just want to log on and have someone listen to my way of thinking at the moment no matter how irrational it may be.
Ultrabunny it will be hard, but as each day passes, you will learn something about yourself and it will make you stronger.
I normally find SR brilliant but the AA thing can be overwhelming for sure. I know it has helped a huge amount of people get sober but like you, I didn't enjoy the meetings (I tried lots of different ones) but I would like to think that just because AA doesn't work, doesn't mean that I will never get sober.
I woke up this morning and took an Antibuse tablet and I intend to take one everyday to ensure that I'm sober over Christmas. That's very important to me at the moment as Christmas is usually a horrible, depressed hell for me.
I woke up this morning and took an Antibuse tablet and I intend to take one everyday to ensure that I'm sober over Christmas. That's very important to me at the moment as Christmas is usually a horrible, depressed hell for me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Des Moines IA
Posts: 377
It's good you have the anabuse available to back up your decision not to drink anymore. If you take it through Christmas as planned you can have a sober Christmas.
Why not continue taking it on through the first 6 months of 2013 without a break?
Why not continue taking it on through the first 6 months of 2013 without a break?
For me the decision to quit was more a decision to do my life sober, and be able to do all the things that alcohol was preventing me from doing. I made a list of good things that would happen when I quit and focused on them. I decided that if someone were standing in front of me, telling me that they were going to take my marriage, my family, my job, my home, and then my life from me, there would be blood. NOTHING was going to stand in my way, especially my preference for the buzz of oblivion that a half liter of vodka every day supplies.
It was time to put the Big Boy Pants on, no Pull-Ups, no half measures and no excuses. I drew a line that day, and that was the end of my drinking. I learned to set aside that urge for a drink and the deep pleasure I used to get from it, and to understand that I could separate myself from that urge. The urge to drink was really only a thought, and it only had the power that I decided it could have.
Lots of things in my life have changed in these 16 months, and they are fabulous wonderful changes and things I deserve, dammit. You can have these things too, and your own well deserved measure of peace, satisfaction, beauty and joy. But you need to step up. Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to drink?
It was time to put the Big Boy Pants on, no Pull-Ups, no half measures and no excuses. I drew a line that day, and that was the end of my drinking. I learned to set aside that urge for a drink and the deep pleasure I used to get from it, and to understand that I could separate myself from that urge. The urge to drink was really only a thought, and it only had the power that I decided it could have.
Lots of things in my life have changed in these 16 months, and they are fabulous wonderful changes and things I deserve, dammit. You can have these things too, and your own well deserved measure of peace, satisfaction, beauty and joy. But you need to step up. Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to drink?
Get your supports in place for that eventual day, so that you find nothing but success after the holidays I think.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 8,639
My hope is that everyone here feels comfortable enough to post without fear of being diminished in any way.
ultra.... I did not find you to be snarky in the least. I felt your sincerity throughout your entire thread.
ultra.... I did not find you to be snarky in the least. I felt your sincerity throughout your entire thread.
I had to go back and look at the thread. You didn't sound "snarky" to me either. Nor did the tread bash you. You asked for help and you had a huge outpouring of support. For the folks who's lives were saved by AA...that was their suggestion. For those who recovered by non-AA methods, they provided links and support.
You came seeking help. It was offered in the limited ways we know how to provide it.
And yet you drank. I'm not sure what you really expect from us on SR.
You came seeking help. It was offered in the limited ways we know how to provide it.
And yet you drank. I'm not sure what you really expect from us on SR.
There are some on these boards who are overbearing and do appear to attack those who are looking to explore who they are, what recovery is, and how that all fits for them. I can say that the crowd here is different than it was a couple of years ago- that's the nature of a community like this, I suppose, and it's definitely more supportive than not. But, Ultrabunny, you got validation here on this from me.
No one should be taking anothers' inventory. It happened to me on the first day I posted here this time around. I even had to come out and say that sentence, which surprised me. We're all vulnerable here- it's important to not be oppressed by well meaning, equally messed up people, though.
We could all use to check ourselves- ALL of us, and then sit with ourselves and a prayer. Thank God no two of us is exactly alike- it would be a hard and sad world.
AA doesn't work for me, either.... mostly because of that oppressive, paternalistic attitude and way of being that occasionally shows itself here... just permeates all over the meetings in my area. I'd leave wanting to drink, after listening to a hateful angry person take my inventory, tell me about myself (all of it was wrong, all of it) and why I needed to admit I was a piece of sh!& and "keep coming back".
Nah, I'll hit the bar instead, thanks.
We can find support from a community of people that's supportive. That being said, it's important for people to know when they aren't being supportive, I think, because remember, it's good for THEIR own recovery to help others. I'm sure they'd benefit from knowing that they could use to check that energy a little bit if they want to be more supportive.
Take care of you, Ultrabunny, one day at a time!
No one should be taking anothers' inventory. It happened to me on the first day I posted here this time around. I even had to come out and say that sentence, which surprised me. We're all vulnerable here- it's important to not be oppressed by well meaning, equally messed up people, though.
We could all use to check ourselves- ALL of us, and then sit with ourselves and a prayer. Thank God no two of us is exactly alike- it would be a hard and sad world.
AA doesn't work for me, either.... mostly because of that oppressive, paternalistic attitude and way of being that occasionally shows itself here... just permeates all over the meetings in my area. I'd leave wanting to drink, after listening to a hateful angry person take my inventory, tell me about myself (all of it was wrong, all of it) and why I needed to admit I was a piece of sh!& and "keep coming back".
Nah, I'll hit the bar instead, thanks.
We can find support from a community of people that's supportive. That being said, it's important for people to know when they aren't being supportive, I think, because remember, it's good for THEIR own recovery to help others. I'm sure they'd benefit from knowing that they could use to check that energy a little bit if they want to be more supportive.
Take care of you, Ultrabunny, one day at a time!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
In all fairness....You started a thread saying nothing has worked for you. You mentioned you didn't like AA the first three times you tried it...But the last time it helped. You asked questions about how often I went and how did I find the time. I tried to share with you what worked for me....When I was at a place where nothing else did. I have nothing to gain whether you go to AA or not.....I don't make a commission on it. It's free. I will say I hope you find something that works for you...I know what it's like to feel hopeless...Just know there is hope.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 59
I had to go back and look at the thread. You didn't sound "snarky" to me either. Nor did the tread bash you. You asked for help and you had a huge outpouring of support. For the folks who's lives were saved by AA...that was their suggestion. For those who recovered by non-AA methods, they provided links and support.
You came seeking help. It was offered in the limited ways we know how to provide it.
And yet you drank. I'm not sure what you really expect from us on SR.
You came seeking help. It was offered in the limited ways we know how to provide it.
And yet you drank. I'm not sure what you really expect from us on SR.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
UltraB, I didn't find you Snarky at all, I think you were exploring your options....you drank yesterday, but you are back here today, still exploring your options.
no matter how you do it, there is hope every single day, program or not.
Congrats on taking Antabuse and this is a WONDERFUL day to quit....(BTW, today would have been my mother's 92nd birthday)..I hope you have a great day and I think you will feel less depressed about the season if you remove the alcohol from your body. I know I did.
no matter how you do it, there is hope every single day, program or not.
Congrats on taking Antabuse and this is a WONDERFUL day to quit....(BTW, today would have been my mother's 92nd birthday)..I hope you have a great day and I think you will feel less depressed about the season if you remove the alcohol from your body. I know I did.
I will step up to the defense of those trying to help ultrabunny in the original thread.
No one posted while presenting as being overbearing, aggressive, attacking or in any other negative way.
It simply wasn't there and I've no idea why ultrabunny felt that way?
People shared their stories and opinions, nothing more, nothing less.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Hello. Just to put in my two cents. You are right d , you don't know what we expect from this Forum because many times neither do we ! I remember one of the first times I posted one of the long timers told me " don't come here expecting a pat on the back , and a good for you if you cut back". I found this statement very judgemental. We all come here for different reasons. Some have literally no one to talk to. Others use it as additional support to other things they are doing. In my case for me it is helping just knowing about how others experience their ups and downs and trying to learn from this. I am trying very hard to hold my own judgment and I try to stick to talking about my experiences and giving advice when I can but trying not to judge people and their motives.
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