My relapse was not exactly a relapse, in that I stopped because I found I was diabetic and had bad liver enzymes after a doctor appointment. I had not had a realization, "Oh I am an alcoholic." It was more like, "Okay, I am fat, now my sugar is high, and liver is fatty. Time to get healthy." That included not drinking from the moment I read the letter. So, after about 4 sober months, my bloodwork was all great i had lost tons of weight. Liver doc said, "Toast in the New Year," when I asked if I could drink ever again, just a little.
So, I made a choice to have some red wine that new Year's eve. Then, I drank at a party in February. Then, on a vacation in April, and slowly, the occasional beer or wine with dh on a weekend, and it escalated.
So, it is only this time, where I truly realize I slide down the slippery slope and cannot stop at 1 or 2 drinks, or keep it to only occasional.
It was easier last time. I was very nervous about my health, and the thought of drinking sickened me. Now, I know it really need to be forever. That makes it a bit harder. This time, I had less "withdrawal" symptoms, but I am healthier overall. I am sure that has something to do with it.