First Time Here
Hi everyone, first time on a site like this. First time every reaching out about my husbands drinking really. Don't know where to start except to say that I am on the verge of moving out of our home. Hence the handle here. It's been 7.5 looong years and I've lost part of of myself in the process. I never grew up with drinkers in the home, nor have I ever had a drinking problem. When I met my husband, it just felt right. On the surface his is polished, professional, highly educated, very knowledgable in his field and pretty much in everything and IN CONTROL. I had been a single mother for 15 years and was ready to find "the one". I thought I had. He is 10 years older than me, and I was smitten. Within 8 months, I realized that he had a lot of issues, drinking being the worst one. PTSD, cancer survivor on major meds for pain control, not very forthcoming with the truth, disgrunteled relationships with his son and daughter (who are also alchoholics) and a past that reads like Mexican soap opera. What had I done!?!?!?!? Now, 2 DUI'sm thousands of dollars later,12 years of back taxes, wage garnishments, 5 jobs and over 4.5 years of being out of work for one reason or another, I am utterly exhausted. His drinking has not only cost us tons of money, but it has cost me years of my life. I am afraid of him when he drinks because his PTSD comes out full force. So, I stay quiet so not to **** him off and get myself hurt. I become small and voiceless. And as I'm sure you know, there is absolutely NO TALKING about it the next day and never an apology or even a question about what may have happened the night before. He blames me for being "perfect" and apologizes for not being "as perfect" as me. I feel guilty for wanting to leave and mad at myself for not being strong enough to put myself first and get out. I've wrangled with this for years now and I'm afraid that if I do I will have given up on someone who for all intensive purposes is not a "bad" person.
Ugh.
~ Crying and Tyring2Fly in Monterey.....