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Old 12-11-2012, 02:42 PM   #1 (permalink)

Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Monterey CA
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First Time Here

Hi everyone, first time on a site like this. First time every reaching out about my husbands drinking really. Don't know where to start except to say that I am on the verge of moving out of our home. Hence the handle here. It's been 7.5 looong years and I've lost part of of myself in the process. I never grew up with drinkers in the home, nor have I ever had a drinking problem. When I met my husband, it just felt right. On the surface his is polished, professional, highly educated, very knowledgable in his field and pretty much in everything and IN CONTROL. I had been a single mother for 15 years and was ready to find "the one". I thought I had. He is 10 years older than me, and I was smitten. Within 8 months, I realized that he had a lot of issues, drinking being the worst one. PTSD, cancer survivor on major meds for pain control, not very forthcoming with the truth, disgrunteled relationships with his son and daughter (who are also alchoholics) and a past that reads like Mexican soap opera. What had I done!?!?!?!? Now, 2 DUI'sm thousands of dollars later,12 years of back taxes, wage garnishments, 5 jobs and over 4.5 years of being out of work for one reason or another, I am utterly exhausted. His drinking has not only cost us tons of money, but it has cost me years of my life. I am afraid of him when he drinks because his PTSD comes out full force. So, I stay quiet so not to **** him off and get myself hurt. I become small and voiceless. And as I'm sure you know, there is absolutely NO TALKING about it the next day and never an apology or even a question about what may have happened the night before. He blames me for being "perfect" and apologizes for not being "as perfect" as me. I feel guilty for wanting to leave and mad at myself for not being strong enough to put myself first and get out. I've wrangled with this for years now and I'm afraid that if I do I will have given up on someone who for all intensive purposes is not a "bad" person.

~ Crying and Tyring2Fly in Monterey.....
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Old 12-11-2012, 02:54 PM   #2 (permalink)
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I'm sorry you're going through all of this. Sometimes the only solution is to walk away if you've exhausted all other options. Check out the friends and family section here on SR-you might find some good advice there for people that are dealing with something similar. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your entire life for someone who isn't willing to help himself or your family. It sounds like he needs professional help, and you need a support system. It's not easy is it?
“When you quit drinking you stop waiting.”
― Caroline Knapp, Drinking: A Love Story
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Old 12-11-2012, 03:32 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR. I'm sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad you found us.

As suggested, check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics Section. Read the stickies. Lots of reading and very helpful stuff.

You will find tons of support here with people who understand what you're going through and understand your pain.

I also suggest checking out Alanon if you haven't done so.
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Old 12-11-2012, 03:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Trying2flyalone View Post
I've wrangled with this for years now and I'm afraid that if I do I will have given up on someone who for all intensive purposes is not a "bad" person.
~ Crying and Tyring2Fly in Monterey.....
I'm new here, too... though on the other side of the equation, in that I'm a husband trying to get sober. I'm so very far from an expert, which is why I'm here, but I know enough to tell you this isn't your fault no matter what you ultimately choose to do. I wish you much luck and hope the people on the forum that's been recommended to you can help. Me, I'm working on deserving my wife and children. Good luck. *hugs*
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Old 12-11-2012, 05:12 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Welcome to SR! I suggest you post this in friends and families of alcoholics as they have experience in such matters and can better advise you.
I'd rather live in my car with my dogs than live in a castle without them.

Dogs may not be our whole lives, but they make our lives whole.

Don't wait for the Last Judgement. It takes place every day. -Albert Camus

Find the good and praise it. - Alex Haley

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