I have a hard time reading these posts from family members sometimes because they remind me of how I used to be, and more specifically, how I treated my own wife during our whole marriage.
I was already an alcoholic by the time we were married - I didn't know it at the time though. Things went well for a time, and then the dishonesty started. It started around how much I drank and what time I was out drinking until, then spilled into other parts of our lives. I was finding myself getting sicker and sicker. Lies spilled out of my mouth every moment. Work was always a pain in the neck, I hated everyone, I was blaming everyone for all my worries, and I continued to drink.
Then the drinking went underground, and things went from bad to worse. While i never laid a hand on my wife ever, my emotional and mental abuse was enough to keep our home strained more times than not. Jobs started to slip away, I was ill more than I was healthy and I was doing things I shouldn't have been doing with people I shouldn't have been with in places I shouldn't have been in. All this time I claimed I didn't drink!
And the lies kept rolling in. I protected my drinking in any way I could. I vowed to put myself together, to continue with my therapy, to exercise more, etc. I made many emotional appeals and put on great shows of remorse (which were real at the time, but once the heat was off, I went back to my old ways).
In the end, after many hospital visits, job losses, financial strain, mental and emotional breakdowns and an arrest, I was done. I went into treatment and AA and haven't had a drink since. Now, I mention all this to identify much about what your husband is going through. I see a lot of my actions and thoughts and feelings in the actions and words you describe about your husband.
So, if he's anything like me, he will continue to weasel out of things to protect his drinking. He will say and do anything, at that moment to take the heat off, and then go right back to where he wants to be. I know that's how I operated. And, sadly, it gets easier to lie. I was only sorry when I got caught.
But having said all that, after in-patient treatment (and after 6 months of being out of the matrimonial home and not seeing my son much), where I learned about AA and started working the steps of AA, my wife noticed a change enough about me to have me back in the house. Life now is completely different that it was before. I am not the same man, and she has grown as well. She was willing to do what you are - walk to hell and back. I am so very lucky to have her, and make sure that I show it in some way daily.
But you already know that it has to come from him. Treatment was full of guys who were there for their girlfriends, the court, their family, work...and those were the guys who never made it. Those who were open-minded, honest and willing and doing it for themselves...they were the ones who had a grand chance at it. I assumed my marriage was over. But i still did it. Your husband needs to want it for him first and foremost. And if that means that you aren't in the picture when he makes that decision....well, that is your choice, of course. But as easily as he protects his drinking, protect yourself as well. Don't go for the ride at the expense of losing yourself. Then two lives are lost.
Good luck - I hope he gets there sooner than later.
Please take care of yourself.