I sooooo hope it's okay to come in here and ask those living through their sobriety a few questions?
My husband is an alcoholic. I see his struggles every single day. If they aren't with trying a new beginning to start over and give it a go, they are drowned in a bottle of vodka. It is so sad to see this and he's the type that one drink is too much and he's admitted it.
Last night, as if reality isn't screaming at me already that this is too much for him to bear and me too, he called off work. I have been reading that alcoholism is a progreesive disease and believe me when I tell you that I've seen him go from *lets say he portrayed himself as* normal from the start of our relationship to just 3 weeks ago, possesed by a demon.
So, 3 years and all I have seen is this alcohol possess him. The first year, I felt was good. He was a great liar and hider. I had no idea. Then the second year... wow. After we got married it was like a coming out party. I don't think I've ever been with a person with so much disrequard for their life and the life of others all in the name of another drink.
My husband has enjoyed 20 years of sobriety. Although I did not know him, he touts that and carries it around like a badge but in reality, that is over and done with as of 2009 when he traded it in for a drunken fool award. (I'm mad, and I'm so sorry)
3 weeks ago, he decided that he would engorge himself on an 8 day bender and call off from work for 3 days while I was out of the house doing something for me that I love to do. When I got home, I entered Satan's House and that was that. He fought between 2 emotions and could not decide which one was getting him further- anger or sadness. It was a very long night for me.
I'm getting to my point here.... I'm sorry with all the back ground but I think it's important to the question I want answered...
That night, I called his best friend who married us and spilled the beans. He and my husband went to school together, partied together, did drugs together, went to the Army... they were the typical boys turning into men, causing trouble, drinking and drugging til his buddy found God, got sober and enjoys a whole other life that benefits him and his family. My husband worked at sobriety but he fell off the wagon and I can envision him being drug by a horse and wagon, hanging on for dear life, getting on and falling off over and over and over again. It's so exhausting.
My main thing is right now is that I wouldn't believe him if his tongue came noterized. He;s lied to me so much and refused help. Actually, called for help himself, set up appt only to tell me, I CAN DO IT ON MY OWN! I don;t want to go but I;ll go for you if you want me too. It doesn't work for me.
I just found out today that he's lied to me about AA. He said he's gone in the past and it doesn't work for him. When the truth is, He's NEVER Gone! SMH. I know what he's doing... he's protecting his drink.
I told him today he needs to use his 5 weeks of vacation on 30 days of inpatient rehab. He sat there with his head low shaking it yes and wanting help. I could hear it and see it but I don't believe it.
I've been up for 2 days with little sleep. I came home this morning as he snored like a baby sprawled out in bed, and grabbed my pillows and blanket and headed to the couch. I told him I can't share myself right now, I'm hurting because I want him to get help and I'm in a helpless situation because I know I can't fix it. So, by the time the inpatient rehab, I'm going to be gone for 4-5 weeks sunk in, I woke up for work and He doesn't want to do it! He says he'll go to conseling, he'll go to AA, he'll do out-patient but no inpatient... But...
Is it enough to help him if he *wants* to do it?
I don't know where to turn but to the source itself and that's why I'm here asking you. Can you please offer me some kind of advice? I told him if he does not get a grip and take care of himself that this will end our marriage because I swear, I can't watch this train ride to hell, let alone ride it.