I completely understand how you feel and am so sorry. My Ah does the same thing and I am so not ready to be intimate. After all of the hurt and lies for me about alcohol - my trust in him is gone and I am emotionally shut down. He doesn't drink 1 day and wants me to reward him - it doesn't work that way. You can't just make yourself get that back- it has to be earned imho. I am not a woman who is gonna just do it to make him happy - not gonna happen - Not being spiteful but if I am not feeling it - you can kiss my ass and leave me alone - sending support and sorry he was not nice. I wish you peace!