I know NOTHING about your situation, so will just share something I realized in mine.
Yes, my substance abuse, and other behaviors were real issues and did damage to my marriage.
BUT
He has his issues and behaviors as well.
It was easy to point the finger at me because my behavior had a label. Getting sober, of course, didn't mean I had ironed out all my issues and bad behavior, but it did allow me to see more clearly that I wasn't THE problem in the marriage. It was a complex thing and we both needed to work if we wanted to fix it.
My ex wasn't the only one who had been hurt and had valid grudges and resentments.
I agree that we must understand that the hurt, lies, etc that we caused don't disappear overnight, and that we should give them time and space to heal, but we must also watch out that we are not, out of a sense of guilt, putting up with some things that we shouldn't.
It's not uncommon for someone to get into recovery and then realize that their relationship has been bad or abusive for a very long time.
I must own my own choices and behaviors, but not assume I am responsible for the choices and behaviors of my partner.