Originally Posted by
Reed30 
where to begin...sorry this is long. It's my first post.
I broke up with my ex bf (addicted) a few months ago.
I dated him for over a year and a half and did not know he was using or was addicted to drugs. I found out when he got arrested a few months ago. That's when the bomb was dropped on me.
he was addicted to pain killers and also used heroin and coke. Injected the pain meds.
At that point everything made sense to me.. His behavior and moods the ups and downs. I was lied to our entire relationship. The signs of a drug addict were there but I had no clue. I have never done any or been around any . I'm 30. He had social anxiety and I didn't run from that I was supportive and there for him always. But whenever he acted strange it was bc of his SA or new meds for SA, that's what he told me at least.
But there were sooo many lies now that I think of everything... He missed important things right in end of relationship too .
His family knew about his issue months before and no one told me.also after he told me about arrest admitted he started drugs at 19...
So, I broke up with him because of the lying and also I don't agree with choices he made. He did hurt me a lot during this relationship too like when he broke up with me randomly one day.but I forgave him bc I loved him. I loved him like no other person and tried to be the best gf I could have been. Always there for him, but I will not be in a relationship with someone who lies like that.
He went to rehab shortly after arrest. Once a week outpatient. I told him proud of him and he needs to focus on himself but I can't see us moving forward now. Ugh I thought I was going to Marry him.. We talked about it.
Issue I had after...I have felt guilty for leaving him. What if he gets ok and this and that. He would randomly email me text me . I would respond sometimes but always with a simple response.
Now he sends me a message the other day
That he is angry with me for leaving him and that if I loved him I would have stayed and not left him at hardest time. That he's fine and he enjoys rehab.
This is killing me...I didn't know about his addiction! He LIED sooo much and told me he never told me bc he didn't want to lose me. I knew he smoked weed in college but he always made it appear that was it. But then afterwards also said that he did drugs after his father died a few years ago. When we dated He told me he just drank a lot after his death.
Why is he angry with me? He said He hurt me so much and cant say sorry enough , knew if i found out i would leave.
then why is he surprised i left and angry at me? Why do I feel like I'm a bad person for leaving him.. I made a decision based on what I want from a relationship. I want the best for him I hope he can keep a healthy life but I'm not to blame for this. it's so hard to leave someone you loved so much. How can he say things to me..how did he prove his love to me then. That syringe was his love.
When my husband was using, we separated for a while until he decided he was done and wanted help to stop for good.
While in recovery, we had a similar discussion. He felt like I had abandoned him, he was disappointed that I did not stand by him and accept his behavior until he figured it all out. At the same time, he realized what awful things happened to our relationship because of the drugs and he was extremely remorseful. After discussion, his strongest emotion was one of acceptance and understanding for my choice, along with actual respect for my sense of self preservation.
I do not think my husbands words and feelings came from a selfish place. I think they came from a "human" place where we often have the expectation the one we love possess an amazing ability to stand by us, understand what maybe we ourselves cannot yet see. I think being honest and expressing and analyzing all their feelings IS what recovery looks like.
With your ex, who knows. Addicts in recovery also go through stages of anger, resentment. He could be saying it to hurt you; but then why would he also express remorse of all he put you through? To know the truth for sure, you would have to know where his head is at right now. Generally family members go through various stages of emotion also as they recover from whatever trauma they endured because of the addiction. From my experience, the addict is not so different. Maybe if you think about it that way it will help.
YOU however do not need to feel guilty for breaking up with him. His behavior of lying, and other unacceptable actions were just cause. I think maybe you just need to remember what you based your decision on. It's good to take care of yourself, and not let unacceptable behaviors and negative relationships into your life.