I am a bit of a goody two shoes. Always on time, straight A's, obedient, tried to be perfect. I think that's why alcoholics may lose control. I felt like I was getting to be rebellious, blamed my imperfections & mistakes on the drink. I didn't have to take responsibility.
The pressure I put on myself made me collapse.
I think I understand what you mean, now that I am in recovery, I've faced reality that 1. I can't drink & 2. I Don't HAVE to be perfect.
And I'm really good with that.