What if her cop husband was driving under the influence ... would she also be precluded from driving the kids around to their activities, merely because she asked the judge that he be precluded from doing so by a protective order?
In general, PohsFriend makes a valid point. However, judges ought to make an exception to that kind of thinking whenever there is a risk of exposing the kids to proven active alcoholism/addiction by a spouse and, certainly, by that spouse's cohorts (who have no parenting rights).
Isn't the ultimate test "in the best interests of the children" after all?
In the criminal system, judges often throw the book at alcoholics/addicts whose disease contributed to their crimes. Those judges don't hesitate to throw the book at child molesters and abusers. All* in the sake of protecting the public and especially children. And rightfully so. * (Getting votes and publicity also factors in for some of those judges). In the probation system, the criminals are right back in jail if they fail a drug and alcohol test.
Simply because one addict/alcoholic parent happens to be in divorce court with a clean parent doesn't mean this is a matter of mere he said/she said. Proof. DUI's, repeated relapses, rehabs, not following treatment/recovery program, accidents, etc.
Nor is the clean parent being sanctimonious or less respectful by asking for protection for the kids. We spouses of alcoholics/addicts with kids have been through hell. If any judge has lived it, he or she would know. If the judge grew up to be an adult child of alcoholics/addicts, he or she would know.
If the judge forces her to submit merely to make it mutual, she's going to do that because (and demonstrating that) her "best interests" are in the kids. But she shouldn't have to. She shouldn't be humiliated or affected at work. It shouldn't be tit for tat when the issue affecting the matter at hand in family court IS the alcoholism/addiction.
Haven't we learned that an anti-drug/alcohol stance and example by parents (peers, schools and community too) is critical in raising non-addict/alcoholic kids? Yet, it's more important for family court judges to be "fair" to each parent than to protect the kids? The parents won't be in each others' hair that long. The kids will be affected for life by their upbringing.
We need a paradigm shift in family court. Reform the family law system when it comes to parental alcoholism/addiction. That would protect the kids AND send another message to the alcoholics/addicts about what they have to lose. IMHO.