I live in a building that has a dumpster outside for the condo owners. The "rules" of the association state that one should break down boxes prior to putting them into the recycling bins. The holiday season is upon us, extra boxes from deliveries are a plenty, and not everyone likes to follow the rules.
As I went to the gym this morning, I was cranky about the fact that our building's dumpster is overflowing with boxes and there are some sitting next to the dumpster. None of them were broken down.
Each time I get a box, I follow the rules. In fact, with most things in life, I am a rule follower. I liked going to school as a kid and hated taking days off. I prided myself about being a "good kid".
My one "fatal flaw" is alcohol. It's what I have always said, and what is true. I am a different person when it comes to alcohol and how I drank it. And it didn't matter that the gov't regulations for women is one drink per day. I liked drinking more. I wanted to drink more. And then, I needed to drink more. Given how I am with most things in life, the way I drank really, REALLY enforces that I am indeed an alcoholic. There is no other explanation.
It's nice to know that I am still an alcoholic. I love when my thought process takes me there easily. Earlier this week I had some cranky feelings about sobriety and working AA and the steps and just feeling out of place and overwhelmed with it. I was able to work through those feelings and am back into a place of more peace about my alcoholism, AA and getting where I need to be in my own time. I'm taking it easy, moving foward, and continuing on. Really admitting my powerlessness over alcohol is truly freeing and I am grateful that I finally am "here". In addition, I will work to ensure that I stay here.
This post may not make sense to anyone...but I just wanted to share.
Thanks for letting me.
