Sidney, hugs.
I don't hear that you are not grateful for the time off with pay etc, you recognize it and are using the time to get on top of things...but you don't feel it, all warm and fuzzy.
I think that gratitude is NOT the warm fuzzy. Gratitude is what we do with what we got. Meaning, I can say 'oh, I'm so grateful.' then not engage with the thing again, it matters nothing to me. Gratitude is me using the thing, or having it remind me of the person who gave or shared with me and me giving them a call. Or me going to my job every day and doing it. I'm grateful I have the job, my behavior shows that but I'm not feeling the warm fuzzy lately.
There are lots of feelings in us that we tried to keep at bay with booze and/or drugs. Suddenly they aren't held back. Many of those feelings aren't warm fuzzy. One way we live gratitude in sobriety is that we feel the feelings and don't drink, that is a sign we are grateful for sobriety. We use it. Even when it's not warm and fuzzy.
It's like getting a puppy on Christmas morning, all licks and wiggles with a bow round it's neck. Later that day we are cleaning a pile up off the floor, and we are up half the night listening to it whine. But we take care of it, and train it, and walk it and love it, and heck, it grows into a great companion and we get lots of warm and fuzzy feelings over time.
I had lots of unrealistic expectations of sobriety, and of myself in sobriety. How I would act, think and feel. I thought I must be doing it wrong...because I didn't act, think and feel very good. Reading and sharing here helped me stay hopeful that I was on the right path and it would get better, and I'd like myself and the whole world more..someday, if I took care of my sobriety.