Originally Posted by
Sidney14 
I must be the only person in the whole word who get 12 weeks off forced paid leave (due to me not coping with relationship issues break up, abuse, changes at work, two little toddlers, finances, teenage daughter etc..... so took xanax towards the end the last two months. The two weeks prior to him moving out I took it way in excess just seeing him made me want to feel nothing) in any case 6 weeks in after being 10 days in rehab once a week Drug and Alcohol group support program all day, once a week couselling, gratitude journelling, but there is just not joy I am supposed to be grateful to actually not being fired from work or getting a warning letter but nothing instead I get annual leave and I find it really hard to enjoy or relax in it............... I must be crazy or something......is it me or am I really pathetic????
Hi Sidney - no, you aren't the only person in the world to get asked to leave to take time off because of personal issues. It might feel like it, though. I know of a few people who have been off for more than 4-5 months because of alcohol issues, drug concerns, etc. Their jobs are still waiting for them, and they are getting some pay during that time.
As for the your time off...it sounds like you can't enjoy it because you are most likely still dealing with the same stuff that caused you to leave work. Joy and gratitude aren't things that we can get by turning on a switch. I know that I was a very ungrateful person, negative, stressed, etc. and it was only after working the AA program (and continuing to do so) I found that things shifted for me. It was gradual, but they shifted. It was how I perceived things, how I approached things, how when taking an honest look at myself I could see that my problems were much of my own making. I used to play victim, scoured my life for scapegoats and perfected the blame game (i.e. "if you had my life you would drink too"). I let people take up space in my head, so even when I would travel the world, I was still stuck with all this baggage. I could never relax.
After detox and rehab, I had to take time for myself and to work my program. I had to focus on me and getting well. I had been kicked out of the house, had no job, no job prospects, was burning through savings, but I had hope.
Outside of your once a week counselling and group therapy, is there any program of recovery you are seeking and/or using?Gratitude journaling is fine (I still do it today), but that alone won't turn the tide for you.
You aren't pathetic or crazy - I have felt like that many times. But sitting in the feeling that you are will only freeze you from moving on.
