Thank you...I have had a browse through the stickies
I think what's throwing me is that the guy he saw for counselling said he didn't think he was an alcoholic. Prior to that I would have said he definitely was (I have some experience with alcoholism in my extended family, my mother has much more, and she agreed with me) but I suppose I deferred to 'professional opinion'.
I suppose I feel like I'm dooming myself to spend my life going up and down with his struggles, and more than that I often just have to remind him that I exist. He previously recognised he had a problem but I think he saw his counsellor's advice as almost a blank slate to slowly go back to how he was when he got more comfortable in our new relationship. I don't know if it would help him or not to be told 'yes, you have a serious drink problem' by someone other than me??