Am I an idiot?
For the last year I have been going out with a man 9 years older than me, on and off (we broke up for a few weeks over the summer).
We broke up largely because of his drinking. While he does not drink constantly he seems unable to just have one, on the couple of occasions that he has had a drink and not become drunk he almost shouts the fact at me in quite a defensive way. I had just started a temporary summer placement and he was supposed to visit me, but instead went to a music festival and drank for 6 days solid during which we had no contact despite me trying increasingly frantically to get in touch with him.
Before our break up I had seen him ill (literally unable to get out of bed or keep food down, shaking uncontrollably, falling asleep randomly) for long periods of time after bouts of drinking. He is a professional musician and often ends up in situations where it is common for everyone to be really drunk, go to afterparties etc.
We got back together on several conditions I stipulated, the main one being that he go to counselling for drinking. He got in touch with a friend of his who is a priest specialising in counselling services ('M) (although we are not religious he has a great deal of respect for this man) and saw him several times. It was M's view that my boyfriend was not a serious alcoholic but that he had spent his life in situations where it was normal to drink and had failed to develop the strength of character necessary to say 'no'. He also said that my boyfriend was using alcohol to cover up his own shyness and any emotional troubles he had. After this BF seemed much better, we went out a few times and he had one or two drinks and then went home. He said that the thought of losing me was enough to keep him from drinking.
We have been back together three months now and I think things are back to how they were. He has done a few gigs where he has got very drunk (the latest being in Belgium where he woke up in a different town, in the street, with no idea what day it was or how he got there) and in addition has started smoking a LOT of weed. He has become incredibly defensive about everything, I think because he knows he is doing wrong - if I say I am worried he shushes me very quickly.
Am I flogging a dead horse? Am I overreacting in thinking he's back on the slippery slope?