First of all, I am so very sorry for the profound loss of your mother. That does make holidays difficult.
I too struggled with the holidays for many years. As for family members, there is just my AD, my youngest daughter, two grandchildren (12 and 17), and me. No fancy celebrations...Christmas is a quiet day at home.
Somewhere between the 26th and the 1st, we will get together to eat at a restaurant, see the IMAX feature at the Cosmosphere, and then a movie. Everyone goes their separate ways afterwards.
I finally realized although it is a season for giving, I was getting it all wrong. I'd get depressed because every year I didn't have the money to buy "nice" (as in expensive) gifts for everyone. I fixated on material things.
The first new tradition I started was a God Box. This year I am using a beautiful birdhouse that my 12-year-old grandson made in shop. There is a notepad beside it, and every day I write a prayer for someone/something on that and I roll up the paper and put it in the birdhouse. Homeless people, our military, animals who are abandoned and suffering...I have put a prayer in for all of these in years past, and a whole lot more.
I am losing my client January 1st (I'm a direct support worker) as he is moving closer to family due to chronic worsening health issues. It is
not my job to help with moving, but I volunteered to help him sort through the smaller things and start packing. I will label the boxes. I am also going to create a comprehensive notebook for his cousin as she has no idea of what his day to day life is. I'll list his meds (he is on about 12) as I always keep his dispensers filled, and take care of his refills for him.
I am doing this because it will help make the transition easier for both him and his cousin. I am doing for others, for people who need the extra help and are grateful for it.
I will say I never visited my AD over the holidays while she was in jail. She's been incarcerated numerous times.
How about starting a new tradition in honor of your mother, like a God box, or whatever you find that will work?
I have to be very careful over the holidays to make sure I am out of "self" or my ego takes over and I struggle, lots of depression in years past.
It feels good to reach out to others.
Sending you hugs of support, dear!
