buzzlightyear

Well, this is my first post, just got my account all setup, which has finally lead me to this `New Person` Forum. I can only assume that were suppose to tell a little about ourselves and discuss why we are here. I am fairly young, or as I see it, I am 29 years old/Single/No Kids/No Debt/Bach in CJ and blah blah blah. I joined the Air Force when I was 17 years old and served 10 years that contained 2 tours to Iraq and etc. I got out at 28 years old and got a `gig` in Iraq doing private security. As the USA begun to exist, so did my job which finally lead me to my current position working in AFGHAN.
I had my first drink of alcohol after basic training while going to school for my job. It was pretty harmless and I didn’t even like it, I had just turned 18 years old. I could have drunk as much as I liked at the time, but only had 2 beers because I found it `not so appealing`. Didn’t really think anything of it really, the next day I got up and went to Sunday church as always. I didn’t drink again for a while, didn’t even think about it.
My first base assignment was in Germany, where if you were 18 and over you could buy alcohol on base. I had this idea that I needed to drink, even if it was alone. At this point I had only had 3 beers in my whole life by had this notion this is what people do for fun due to movies, commercials, and etc. So I went to the BX and bought my very first case of beer. I had no preference in beer, in fact I didn’t even like beer. Honestly, at that point I was to scared to buy a bottle of liquor, thinking in a lot of ways that I wasn’t man enough to handle that yet, but to much of a man to drink wine, all based off of my 18 years of experience.
Either way, all of this came and lead to a down whirl spiral in which I would drink all of the time. If I wasn’t drinking then to me I wasn’t having fun; although I never had to drink for 18 years to have fun before this point. My working environment allowed me to show up drunk and no one really made too much of a fuss over it. There was a flock of us `drunks` at work and we would flock to gather at work and when off work to continue in our ritual behaviors’.
Either way, I could go on and on and on about all of these stories but there isn’t really much of a point; I suspect that if your reading this then you already share similar stories and already know where I am coming from.

So basically, from 18-29 years old I was drunk all of the time…there would be 6 months time periods where I would be drunk everyday and etc.

To spite this, just as I am sure many of you are, I was somewhat successful, at least from an outside perspective.

I know I am an alcoholic. I know that I do not like myself nor am I really having fun after about 2 weeks of drinking straight, it is really more just like a sickness that I have. My personality changes, I am not as motivated and etc….blah blah blah.

Seems what I struggle with is this irrational idea that I can drink sociable. I have had this idea before and 3 months later I am always back to where I was. I feel as if I am missing out on something or some fun event if I give up drinking completely. But I doubt that I could experience anything new in any bar that I haven’t already experienced in some other bar, I have done the bar `song and dance` for many years. All this said, I still fumble with this notion that I can become a social drinker, which I believe to be false, and that I would be missing out.

So in my first attempt to get help I seek a new path, a path that led me to this forum site. I am currently in AFGHAN and do not have the ability to drink, so I’m trying to get myself squared away before I get back…this idea that I will be missing out if I don’t drink when I get back. Well thanks for reading.

–Buzz Light Year `