Originally Posted by
Dedhed6482 
Hello to everyone.
I'm in need of some advice or guidance.
I'm married to a functioning alcoholic. She admits from time to time that she has a problem which is great at the time. We have run the gamut of admission and promises to change to many times to count over the past four years. I am fully aware of my part in allowing this to continue but I'm at a loss as to how to respond anymore.
Last night she again admitted she has a problem and doesn't know what to do. This same time last year we went thru this and we both attended several AA meetings. You know the story, it lasted for about 5 days before she was drinking again.
Was I wrong for being openly skeptical last night? I told her I would fully support whatever she needs to do. She has looked into some treatment that involves monthly shots at about $800 a pop. She refuses to try AA again and feels she can't leave work for a 30 day rehab. I tried to stay positive as she told me all this and explained I would support what ever she needed to do. I guess my body language have away the fact that I have heard this 100 times before and she became upset ( yes she had been drinking prior to this).
Am I wrong for letting her know that I feel at this point she has to walk the walk? Is it wrong that I feel burned after every other time and its difficult to believe this time is any different than before?
How can I be supportive when my expectations are not positive?
What helped me a great deal to clarify things like this was attending alanon. It helped me to see through the excuses & empty apologies. It helped my body language when hearing those things for the 100th time & I started to look at her actions through the promises & apologies. It helped clear away the fog I guess, made things a bit clearer & more sane.
Were you wrong expecting her to make good on it this time? Yes & no. Expectations of other people are how we think they should do things & a judgement (also future resentment). She has every right as a person to make decisions for herself. We have to respect those decisions whether they fail or succeed. We don't have to agree with those decisions, but let them make them for themselves. My STBXAW used to set me up for these so when she wouldn't follow through she had even more reasons to drink because I would get upset over the broken promises & the expectations I had for them. But no, your not wrong to feel that way, we are entitled to feel these things as a person. I mean come on, how many times can you hear the same line of crap? Her expectation is that you should buy into it. Maybe she's shopping for resentments? That's how it was with my AW.
Hear her words but watch her actions. Let her handle her recovery on her own, you can't help. The only way YOU can "help" is to focus on yourself & watch your actions.