Hi whatnow - Welcome
I'm sorry you're feeling pain, but you're right - you know that you have to do that is best for you right now and focus on you.
Hang in there.
Recovery brings a lot of changes...even after 3 months I was a different person than I was when I started.
Most of us find our ideas, our expectations and our dreams about a lot of things will go through some changes.
Mine certainly did.
Work on getting yourself together, on becoming that new you....and have a little faith things will work out - maybe not the way you think, but they will work out
D