I know I make no sense and Im breaking down and I sound foolish and Im such a textbook case... I hate all of this and I hate my choices. even the ones to break free.
NO you do NOT sound foolish, and you are making a lot of sense. You are showing that like all of us here you are human, humans struggle with the TRAUMA of DRAMA in their partners, siblings, children, and/or parents, which flows into our own lives.
You really sound very NORMAL, roflmao to me. Yes that is a compliment!
Hang tight, stick with us, keep reading and posting and you will get through this 'glitch in the radar' of your life. As your life goes on and you look back that is all this will be is a 'glitch.' And yes I know, it does not feel like a 'glitch' (small thing) right now.
You can do this. As you see that 'light at the end of the tunnel' slowly, very slowly, getting a bit closer, you will get stronger and stronger. As this situation and its resolution gets further and further behind you, you will see more and more how much easier it is to live a 'spiritual way of life.'
Just remember, we are walking with you in spirit. We are with you 24/7.
Love and hugs,