my appologies to the veterans

Old 11-19-2012, 04:09 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Ok, guys that's enough! So far in a week I've been called an Old Fogie, a Vetern, Oldtimer
and just plain Old!

Hmmp, I would prefer...Seasoned, Learned, Experienced...Mellowed!
R O F L M A O

How about ripe, Dolly? (From someone who is older than dirt).
OMG you two made me wet my pants from laughing so hard!!!!

He!! I'm just plain OLD, lol

Lily keep moving forward! We have all been where you are, distracted, gullible, frustrated, feeling guilty (from the A's manipulation) and just no clue on what to do to get out of the horrible mess we are in.

We are here to support you (((((Lily))))) and tell you our experiences and what WORKED FOR US. Usually when one of us gives a suggestion it is because we have done it ourselves.

So, my dear new friend, keep posting and vent, rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh. We are walking with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:15 PM
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Originally Posted by laurie6781 View Post
R O F L M A O



OMG you two made me wet my pants from laughing so hard!!!!

He!! I'm just plain OLD, lol

Lily keep moving forward! We have all been where you are, distracted, gullible, frustrated, feeling guilty (from the A's manipulation) and just no clue on what to do to get out of the horrible mess we are in.

We are here to support you (((((Lily))))) and tell you our experiences and what WORKED FOR US. Usually when one of us gives a suggestion it is because we have done it ourselves.

So, my dear new friend, keep posting and vent, rant, rave, scream, cry and yes even laugh. We are walking with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,
Thank you so much. and now what do I do??? Wait??? Really!!??? Im so glad to have seen him. I wish I knew he would come home. I just want him to come home.
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Old 11-19-2012, 04:45 PM
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I just want him to come home.
Okay. And what happens if he does? You will be right back in the 'same ol, same ol' life. You will still be with AN ADDICT that is not in recovery.

It is progressive and he will only get worse.

So now is the time to 'work on you.' Now whether you do this by attending Naranon and/or Alanon and/or get some one on one counseling it is time to work on you. You will find out why you are attracted to addiction. You will find out that you are better than that and that you certainly deserve better than a practicing addict. (This goes to the lack of self worth we feel and why, we have to understand it to start feeling better about ourselves).

If he were to come back, NOTHING WILL HAVE CHANGED. He has to want recovery for himself. Then and only then by continuing no contact and only hearing about his 'actions' once in a while will you be able to tell whether he has in fact truly grasped recovery and all the ramifications of recovery.

Your recovery is totally and completely about YOU. Making yourself a more independent woman who thinks very highly of herself. His recovery is totally and completely about HIM.

Also by backing off and staying away, you will give him the 'space' he needs to either work on himself in recovery, or if this is not his bottom to finally reach his bottom somewhere out there.

Please either find yourself some one on one counseling (and if you call around you will find some counselors that specialize in 'addiction' and also have a 'sliding fee scale'.) and try some meetings of Alanon or Naranon, at least 6 different ones to get a feel for which meetings seem more comfortable to you. I mention both Naranon and Alanon because in many areas Alanon is more readily available than Naranon and it is the exact same program for both.

Stick around, we care a lot!!!!

Love and hugs,
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Old 11-19-2012, 08:07 PM
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Originally Posted by cynical one View Post
Oh you elderly seniors crack me up. I just love the AARP crowd...so cute.
<cynical...ducking for cover>

Lily,

Are you having unprotected sex with him?


Hey, aren't you suppose to be in the kitchen cooking our Thanksgiving dinner? P.S. I don't like lumpy potatoes.
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Old 11-19-2012, 11:37 PM
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>>>>>>>if I really look at myself its because I don't want to, so maybe I don't belong here, but I would love to stay. If you guys will have me<<<<<<<<<<<


Lily1918.....the only thing you will have difficulty finding on SR----is someone who doesn't understand (and appreciate) what you are going through.

(((((If they kicked out jerks.....I'd be making up a new pseudonym every week!!!!)))))
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Old 11-19-2012, 11:37 PM
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Originally Posted by Lily1918 View Post
I am such a codependent. I need to get out of this relapse it's been going on for days now. I found him. he reached out to my sister. told her that he loves me with all of his heart. to tell me that he is okay. he did relapse, and that there is nothing he can say to make me take him back. to tell me that he misses me, but can't break the no contact rule, because I deserve better. I did a drive by his work to see if he made it today and found him outside. I asked him if he wants me to let go and walk away. I asked him if he was ever going to come home. he said yes he wants to come home but was afraid. I told him I love him with all of my heart and I forgive him for everything. he said he would call me tonight but I don't believe him. I know I shouldn't have gone to his work. it took all of my strength to turn the car on and leave. I want to camp out there until the end of the night, and talk to him when he gets off, he asked me to stay. I told him to go in get to work in call me when he was ready. I wish I hadn't gone. Im glad he is alive, but Im disappointed in myself, and now can't shake the hope that he will get clean this time. Im sorry everyone for not letting go... I guess its like them in thier addiction. if I really look at myself its because I don't want to, so maybe I don't belong here, but I would love to stay. If you guys will have me
Awh I'm so very sorry you're going through this. It sounds like you both love wach orher but his 'adduction' is the issue.
I really hope he can overcome this n that you can sort things I like to see ppl happy (and believe me that has takeb me a long time, for yrs I was bitter n wanted everyone on their iwn like me).

You need to be strong though n you are posting your feelings saily which is good. Sounds like ppl really care about you here.

Take care of you n please try to do something nice for you today, even if its a warm bath to relax

Evey xox
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Old 11-19-2012, 11:39 PM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot View Post
I just want you to know....I take for full credit for Vale's sanity.
"HALF CREDIT"....tops!
(You'll have to rent 'Bad Santa' to get the joke!)
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Old 11-19-2012, 11:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Lily1918 View Post
Thank you so much. and now what do I do??? Wait??? Really!!??? Im so glad to have seen him. I wish I knew he would come home. I just want him to come home.
Hugs xxx
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Old 11-20-2012, 01:09 AM
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Originally Posted by cynical one View Post
Oh you elderly seniors crack me up. I just love the AARP crowd...so cute.
<cynical...ducking for cover>

Lily,

Are you having unprotected sex with him?
I was, against stds. I have an IUD against pregnancy. I don't see myself having sex with him anytime soon though... Im hurt. He called me tonight and said something that I can't decide if it was manipulation or not " the addict in me is so angry at you for not covering for me, but the part of me that I want to be is so glad you did, now I have nothing. How dare you help me by allowing these consequences. I went because I was counting on you to cover for me. codies always do. you are working your recovery and I love you for it, but now I have nowhere to live nowhere to shower I pray I don't lose my job. If you would have lied I would have gotten away with using, like all the times before. Im so glad you helped me fall because I have nothing now, not even you or the kids. The addict in me hates you, but I love you so much" WHAT THE HECK!!!!??!?!? hmmm now to wait and see where he goes, I told him he may come get his things after I get off work, he asked me to use the internet to find a sober house. I told him yes. hmmm manipulation? Have you heard this all before?
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Old 11-20-2012, 04:28 AM
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It doesn’t matter if it is manipulation or not. He just put the ball in your court and explained part of the dynamics of addiction.

So now you have a choice if you will choose to be part of the problem or become part of the solution.

I am not sure I would let him in tonight, I think it will be very hard not to want to help him. Maybe pack up what he needs in the more immediate. Figure out a time and place ( not yours ) where he can get the rest. If you want to get a list of sober housing together for him that is fine, put it with his stuff, leave it outside when he comes. Also maybe be in your car as he drives up tell him good luck, if you love him it is fine to tell him that too and drive away. His tune may change you don’t want to be around for that.
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Old 11-20-2012, 04:52 AM
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Originally Posted by Lily1918 View Post
I was, against stds. I have an IUD against pregnancy. I don't see myself having sex with him anytime soon though... Im hurt. He called me tonight and said something that I can't decide if it was manipulation or not " the addict in me is so angry at you for not covering for me, but the part of me that I want to be is so glad you did, now I have nothing. How dare you help me by allowing these consequences. I went because I was counting on you to cover for me. codies always do. you are working your recovery and I love you for it, but now I have nowhere to live nowhere to shower I pray I don't lose my job. If you would have lied I would have gotten away with using, like all the times before. Im so glad you helped me fall because I have nothing now, not even you or the kids. The addict in me hates you, but I love you so much" WHAT THE HECK!!!!??!?!? hmmm now to wait and see where he goes, I told him he may come get his things after I get off work, he asked me to use the internet to find a sober house. I told him yes. hmmm manipulation? Have you heard this all before?
Sounds like he's being honest with you.
But none of us know sure as we do not know him but sounds fenuine n honestly - he is thanking you fir not enabling or feeding his addiction. Is that not a start?
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Old 11-20-2012, 05:53 AM
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Give him time, Lily. Let him work on himself. Addiction is a difficult hurdle to clear. If he is serious about recovery, he'll do it whether you are in the picture or not. If he chooses to do the work and keeps at it steadily for a year, then if it is meant for the two of you to be together, God may bring him back to you. A year is a good place to start--to see what your boyfriend is going to do. Whether he is sincere or not. Otherwise, he may go to the sober house for a few weeks and then insist all is better, you let him come back to you, and then he easily could slip back to his old ways. Give him time, because with time you will have a better idea if he is going to beat his addiction or not. Less than a year is just not enough time. And you've already given one man eight years of your life and he never beat his addiction.
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:14 AM
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Lily, I have heard recovering addicts say the really end up "hating" their enablers. His mother is doing the hardest thing she will ever do, stand by her and support her. You can and probably will have other BFs, but he is her son...irreplacable.

Like I was, your love has become very selfish. If you truly love him like you say, let him fall now! Until the pain off using outweighs the fear of stopping, he wont stop. Let him feel the pain!! Give him a chance to seek recovery.

Trust me, I know how difficult this is. I wish I had known this a long time ago. I wish I had known how selfish I really was! My thinking was about HIS addiction was hurting ME, can you imagine?? ughhhh
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Old 11-20-2012, 07:59 AM
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Goodmorning! Thank you everyone. I agree with everything everyone said. I left his clothes outside and he hasn't come yet but all he needs is on the porch. I wonder what the future holds...
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Old 11-20-2012, 08:46 AM
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Originally Posted by Lily1918 View Post
Goodmorning! Thank you everyone. I agree with everything everyone said. I left his clothes outside and he hasn't come yet but all he needs is on the porch. I wonder what the future holds...
What are your goals for YOUR future?? Just yours??
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Old 11-20-2012, 09:35 AM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot View Post
Lily, I have heard recovering addicts say the really end up "hating" their enablers. His mother is doing the hardest thing she will ever do, stand by her and support her. You can and probably will have other BFs, but he is her son...irreplacable.

Like I was, your love has become very selfish. If you truly love him like you say, let him fall now! Until the pain off using outweighs the fear of stopping, he wont stop. Let him feel the pain!! Give him a chance to seek recovery.

Trust me, I know how difficult this is. I wish I had known this a long time ago. I wish I had known how selfish I really was! My thinking was about HIS addiction was hurting ME, can you imagine?? ughhhh
Right. I really needed to hear that
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Old 11-20-2012, 09:51 AM
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Originally Posted by LoveMeNot View Post
What are your goals for YOUR future?? Just yours??
I want to grow in my walk with my god. I have no clue about what that looks like, except to be the strong independent woman of proverbs 31. I want to be the best mother I can be, and I want to be whatever god wants me to be. Right now in my sadness I don't know what that is, but I want to be lucky enough to grow old and to sit on my porch in my rocking chair, and watch the sunrise and be able to look back at my lifes circumstances both good and bad and be able to say god has been good to me and to be truthful, my name is Rebecca and yes I am a codependent and I've made horrible decisions, but my mother gave me my name because it means servant of god. I don't have short term goals yet except for the day by day going to work etc etc etc... but I do know this. I want to live up to my name. and I don't ever want this pain ever again. I want to be content in gods love and Im not. I want to know how far the east is from the west. I know I make no sense and Im breaking down and I sound foolish and Im such a textbook case... I hate all of this and I hate my choices. even the ones to break free.
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Old 11-20-2012, 10:24 AM
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I know I make no sense and Im breaking down and I sound foolish and Im such a textbook case... I hate all of this and I hate my choices. even the ones to break free.
NO you do NOT sound foolish, and you are making a lot of sense. You are showing that like all of us here you are human, humans struggle with the TRAUMA of DRAMA in their partners, siblings, children, and/or parents, which flows into our own lives.

You really sound very NORMAL, roflmao to me. Yes that is a compliment!

Hang tight, stick with us, keep reading and posting and you will get through this 'glitch in the radar' of your life. As your life goes on and you look back that is all this will be is a 'glitch.' And yes I know, it does not feel like a 'glitch' (small thing) right now.

You can do this. As you see that 'light at the end of the tunnel' slowly, very slowly, getting a bit closer, you will get stronger and stronger. As this situation and its resolution gets further and further behind you, you will see more and more how much easier it is to live a 'spiritual way of life.'

Just remember, we are walking with you in spirit. We are with you 24/7.

Love and hugs,
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