Thank you both for taking time out to respond to me in my time of personal hell. Really makes me believe that if you ask for help, it will come, often in the most bizarre of places! Something that i have often struggled with. It gave me great hope that people can recover and find a better way of living. At same time though, i think i finally get what i'm doing, my feelings aren't magically going to disappear, i'm just "detaching with love". Time now for me to focus all the energy that i was expending on surviving the marriage on me and the kids. What will happen will happen, but at the moment, the focus has to be on me, and what i need, which is a lot of space, clarity and peace.
Best of luck to you both on your respective journeys, i truly appreciate the replies, feel less alone, and like a whole new world of support and help has been opened up in front of me. Take care!