Hi there.... Ok Im a wife.....my husband is 8 months clean from opiates.
Just wanted to give you my take. If I was in your wifes position, I probably would have not wanted big drinkers to come to the dinner either. It would have made me feel uncomfortable, and by extension I would have been thinking it would make you feel uncomfortable also. (right or wrong; that would have been my first thought process). It would have had a lot less to do with trusting you, or having faith in your sobriety than it would just wanting to spare you any discomfort by being around that old lifestyle which you have worked so hard to move past.
Sometimes however, there is a mis-communication between me and my husband; what he thinks vs. what I think, what he feels vs. what I think he feels, might feel, etc. And when that happens I really like for him to share his feelings with me so I have a better understanding and can be more sensative in the future. And also I want to be able to explain my thinking.... because sometimes that alone will clarify things for him.