Sorry for what you're going through. Welcome. This is a great site with some wonderful folks. I know you're pain too well unfortunaely. First, you didn't caused this, you can't control it and you cannot cure it. I'm recently divorced after 15 years with 2 children (7 & 14). My XAH became addicted to oxy's after shoulder surgery. If you go back and read my posts from 2009 to now, it's an example of how this disease progresses. He also was a "good dad, high functioning, never lost his job" but we lived on the same roller coaster. I spent years reading the advice and thinking he's not that bad, those consequences would never happen to us - I can manage this and keep my boys safe. I had the same thoughts that you wrote about (e.g., I can't break my boys hearts by leaving, how could I explain to them, etc.)- Unfortunatey, we can't control this - the reality of the consequences of this disease hit me right in the face. Nothing could have prepared me for reality - I was naive in what I thought would be the worst. That reality was that the police showed up at my door after he was pulled over with a DUI and they found prescriptions on him. I've never broken the law nor have I ever touched these pills. I begged the officers to give me 10 minutes with my boys before I let them in to search my home. Now, that's scary. But it gets better, the DEA contacted me at work to question me. What I realized was by staying, I actually endangered my children's safety. Not only was I loosing myself in the craziness of his addiction, the authorities actually initially thought that I was just as guilty. So, my initial fears of having sad children and protecting the finances paled in comparison of what addiction actually brought down on me. Not to mention the fact that he was in jail and was trying to use the house as collateral for his bail. This was a man who never broke the law, coached little league, is adored by his children. The only advice I can give you is to get yourself help. You need it for you and your children. Maybe he will find his recovery, only he has the solution for that. You need to get yourself help because that's all you can control. I wish you all the best. I pray that your situation is different than mine; however, I wanted to share with the hope that you are atleast aware of what could potentially happen.