"Why am I the one feeling sorry and sad?"
Because he doesn't feel. That's the purpose of alcohol, he doesn't want to feel, he's not going to feel.
I'm sorry for your predicament. The hardest stories are the ones the stay at home mothers. They are so stuck. I was stuck like that once with three little ones and no job. It's so hard to get out. I knew if I'd won the lottery I'd have been out of there in an instant, but I was stuck trying to make it work because i was stuck.
Please see a lawyer and know your options. And remember he works hard at not feeling. So don't expect feeling from him.
Many hugs.