I could relate with this.
I needed a glass of wine too.
I needed something to take the edge off. I told myself it was fun.
It wasn't fun though when I drank, and kept drinking, and got sick, and upset everyone.
I can't tell you how many times, I took that drink, because I needed it, drank too much, had the next day blues, felt better, and drank again.
Spree, remorse, spree, remorse...this is the pattern.
It doesn't sound like you are in denial to me.
You are here. You wrote out that you drank to much and had problems as a result.
If you can manage to not drink too much....problem solved.
What has your experience been with trying to stop and being able to stay stopped?
This will show you your truth.
My sponsor used to tell me...
"What you have is an opportunity"...when I would tell her about my problem.
If the problem is alcohol, and drinking too much of it....and we SEE that....
we have an opportunity to change.
We are shown...and we get to say Thank you God, for showing me this which has no place in my life.
Then we get to turn away from, decide, cut off, old ways....
It gets worse. Keep drinking and it will get worse. My experience is that it gets much worse.
I have been drinking for over 30 years. I wish I changed when I too had my first red flags.
But I didn't. I drank, and drank, and drank, and drank...
Some people have a different reaction to alcohol.
Some people like to drink.
Some people need to drink.
Some people drink and have a couple and stop.
Some people take that drink, and can't stop...
It has taken me a very long time to concede that I cannot take even one drink. I tried all ways to make drinking work.
If you have that mental obsession to drink...the thoughts to drink even after we have had bad times with it....and then once you take the drink, you can't control how much you drink...
These are the real earmark of the alcoholic.
To thine own self be true.
Hitting rock bottom is the time that you ask God to help you, because you have reached a point of despair, or truth about you and your drinking.
You can hit bottom today.
The bottom of how far you wish to dig.
Let this be your bottom.