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denial

Old 11-02-2012, 11:14 PM
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denial

I am in some serious denial. I have been drinking semi heavily the last month.(I have had an off and on battle with alcohol for a few years). It's in part because I met a friend who I LOVE but when we drink we can't stop. But I also drink at home with my husband and even when my husband isn't at work. I just get bored. When I cook, its boring so I feel like I need a glass of wine to make it fun. One glass turns into two and so on.

I wake up at 2am feeling like it's time for a change but when my anxiety/hangover is gone I'm back to drinking. I have done a few things the last month or so that i am NOT proud of and it's totally not my personality.

I'm 24, pretty, smart. I'm in college, I work full time and I have a wonderful family. Theres nothing wrong with me yet but I feel like I could lose everything like so many other alcohols out there.

I guess I'm worried about hitting rock bottom one day and looking back at THIS moment and hating myself for not making the change now. But when I reach for a drink, I think... I'm not like everyone else. I'm responsible and young and why CANT i have a drink?? So how do I overcome this... do people have to hit rock bottom to change?
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Old 11-03-2012, 02:26 AM
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I dunno, its your choice!
Id give sobriety a chance though and I think youl find it rewarding.but, U really got to want it.

ask the oldtimers they are inspiring.
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Old 11-03-2012, 02:48 AM
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I guess I'm worried about hitting rock bottom one day and looking back at THIS moment and hating myself for not making the change now. But when I reach for a drink, I think... I'm not like everyone else. I'm responsible and young and why CANT i have a drink?? So how do I overcome this... do people have to hit rock bottom to change?

No you dont have to reach rock bottom to change.

But things do and will get worse if you continue...eventually.

You have been brainwashed and conditioned to think that alcoHELL is needed to enjoy life, I was the same.

Give yourself say a 100 days without a drink, see how you feel/cope.

Life is raw and real but also mazing without alcoHELL.

Good luck !
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Old 11-03-2012, 03:22 AM
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It is possible to bring the bottom up to hit you. it just requires you to be honest with yourself. It seems from your post that the problem is getting worse. Also, when you start, you can't stop. That means you have the phenomenon of craving which never occurs in the average temperate drinker. So you have ticked two boxes, progression and craving. The question now is whether you can stop on your own power.

Darkdays makes a useful suggestion, just stop. If you don't take the first drink, you can't lose control. It's worth a try, it works with many if not most problem drinkers.

If that doesn't work it means you have lost the power of choice, and this is where the bottom can hit you. To realise that you are actually dying of a progressive illness which, unless arrested, will lead to insanity and death can be a great motivator to get help.
It would require all the honesty you can mjuster to recognise and accept this truth, but many do just that these days and have great recoveries. There is nothing that says you have to descend to the pits that some of us have before you can get well.
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Old 11-03-2012, 05:22 AM
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realize it now dont' spend the next 20 years drinking ect... you will regret it so please if you think its a prob then it is i so wish i had the smarts back then to think differently love yourself more that will help
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Old 11-03-2012, 08:01 PM
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Welcome back...

Why is drinking so important to you?
You are aware that your slideing downhill and still drink.
When I was doing that ...I considered I was now an alcoholic...

Please go to Amazon and order either
"Under The Influence" by Milam & Ketcham or it's sequel
"Beyond The Influence " by Ketcham & ???

"Under" convinced me to quit tho not all the info applied to me.
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Old 11-03-2012, 11:38 PM
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Cooking is not boring once your emotional system is working without the effects of chronic corruption by a toxin.

By the time I was thinking about making changes it took me years to finally manage it. Quit while you are young
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Old 11-04-2012, 02:20 AM
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people who are in denial dont say they're in denial. IMO, rock bottom is death. cant go any lower than that. no, people dont have to hit that. we can step off the insanity elevator at any time, then find a recovery program to help.
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Old 11-04-2012, 02:32 AM
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I've never heard anyone say "I wish I'd spent more time and money drinking. I wish I'd done more messed up stupid crap while drunk." but I've heard many many say the opposite.

Stop now. If issues arise due to this, take care of them one at a time, the people here have lots of experience and are happy to support anyone's sobriety.

There is no law that people can only stop drinking if they are a diagnosed decades long undeniable alcoholic.

There are millions and millions of people who don't drink who've never had a problem with alcohol at all. Not drinking is NOT an abnormal life choice.
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Old 11-04-2012, 09:00 AM
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"Theres nothing wrong with me yet but I feel like I could lose everything" sounds like me. I am very new at this and actually this is my first response of any form. I associated 'nothing wrong' with my health ,yet I saw other parts of my life slowly take a toll and to a lesser degree my health. I felt the "lose everything" in my life and knew it was time to make a change. As I stepped away from my drinking and my mind and soul cleared, I realized I had different things in my life (stressors) small and big that led me to drink. I have found other ways to constructively deal with those feelings and its led me down a wonderful path of enlightnenment and better understanding of myself.
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Old 11-06-2012, 10:32 AM
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I initially stopped drinking when I was 23, and then I was sober for 16 years. I have drank a few times in the past few years, but I have been sober a lot too in the past few years.

When I quit drinking at 23, I was not sure if I was an alcoholic, but I did not want to take the chance of alcohol taking over my life. It just was not worth the risk. I am so happy that I quit early, because I think it makes sobriety much easier now. And quitting early means I have fewer regrets and fewer things I missed out on due to alcohol.

The few times that I have drank in the past few years makes me certain that alcohol is a problem for me. (even though I can also go to the place of denial- i have not drank enough to have a problem, i can often stop at one or two, etc.). But when I am drinking, alcohol means too much to me, and I make choices that I would never make sober.

You mentioned several red flags. Drinking more than intended, bored unless drinking when cooking, doing things that you regret.

You do not have to hit the same rock bottom that someone else gets to. There is an assumption that people have to lose a lot before they are ready to quit. I am not sure where that thought came from, but I do not think it is accurate. People stop addictive tendencies all the time, at many different stages.

I decided that my bottom was low enough for me. I do not want to live my life addicted.
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Old 11-06-2012, 12:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Jade1224 View Post
But when I reach for a drink, I think... I'm not like everyone else. I'm responsible and young and why CANT i have a drink?? So how do I overcome this... do people have to hit rock bottom to change?
DENIAL might not be the right word for what you are experiencing. DELUSIONAL might be a better word for it. When you say "I'm not like everyone else", you are suffering from the DELUSION that you are separate from, better than or smarter than the typical alcoholic.

However, the ISM part of alcohol-ISM is exactly the same for every alcoholic. It is the ISM that blocks us from seeing the truth about our self. The false assumption is that diligence, tenacity and assertiveness can overcome it. The sad truth is that alcohol is a form of Higher Power for those who have the ISM.

"Hitting bottom is an inside job."
(Mickey Bush)
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Old 11-07-2012, 04:31 PM
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I was in much the same frame of mind as you. A hard drinker, but still high functioning, lots of friends who drink. I had the same fears and anxieties. Finally, I just told myself to take some time off. As suggested above, I challenged myself to reach 100 days dry. Then I would reassess. If I couldn't do it, I figured it meant I had a problem. If it turned out I really missed drinking, well then, no harm done.

I went out drinking on day 101 — an old friend who I seldom see was around. It was a blast. But I'm back on the wagon. Will I drink again? Probably. But I'm not in any rush. Though I still get cravings, I am determined that drinking not become an integral part of my life again. Life is way better when you don't drink every day. You have more energy, you look better, you're sharper, smarter. It's also empowering to choose not to drink. I've been in bars sipping tonic water with drinking buddies and it's fine, if kind of boring.

Good luck to you.
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Old 11-07-2012, 04:58 PM
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You sound a lot like me, except I wasn't quite drinking every day yet (2-3 days a week usually). I am not 100% convinced that I am an alcoholic or that I can't drink like "normal" people yet either. I haven't had anything to drink in over a week and I feel great, better than I did drinking. The reasons I wanted to stop drinking (for at least a couple months, maybe forever) is because I want to see who I am without alcohol. Why was I relying on a substance to get me through certain situations and to make me feel better about myself? I want to see who I am and how I react to things. So far, I am really liking the person that I am. I was also concerned about my health and the amount of alcohol I was drinking at a time, as well as the effect alcohol has on the aging process. Maybe take an extended break to find out why you are drinking like this and what your life would be like without it. I can pretty much guarantee it will be better!
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Old 11-09-2012, 10:09 PM
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I was able to maintain my drinking for many, many years but I always had a sick feeling in the back of my mind that it wasn't going to end well. And it didn't because this problem is progressive. I eventually lost 8 years to liquor. My last drink was over a year ago. I feel awesome now and I've learned so much pulling out of this mess, but I wish I could go back to being 24 and stop it then, so I could have more wonderful years feeling great. I hope that you're strong enough to make the wise choices now so you can enjoy being pretty and smart and loving your family life for decades to come.
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Old 11-10-2012, 02:33 AM
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I'm 50 and have hit bottom...a few times. I'm sober over 4 months and looking around at the wreckage in my life wondering if I can truly ever fix it all. You are young. You have the wonderful opportunity to avoid the horror that alcohol can cause in your life. By having the realization now that you may be on the road to serious problems, you are actually being given a gift. Please spare yourself a lot of pain and accept the gift of sobriety.
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Old 11-10-2012, 06:49 AM
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GIFT OF DENIAL - confronting reality is what members of AA means "hitting
bottom":

"He can only be defeated by an attitude of intolerance or belligerent
denial." (BB appendixii, 1st edition)

Denial can be a special gift of grace. Denial does not asked us to address
anything until we have the tools. When we have the tools, it breaks down.
When that happens, the denial turns to dishonesty, if we try to avoid it.
Then, it demands our attention.

If surrender is the act of "letting go," the experience of conversion can be
understood as the hinge on which that act swings-it is the turning point,
the turning from "denial" as a way of seeing things to acceptance of the
reality revealed in surrender. The self-centeredness that undermines
spirituality is rooted in a self-deception that reflects a false
relationship with reality, and that false relationship begins with distorted
seeing, with some kind of false understanding about the nature of reality
and our relationship with it. Breaking through that denial and confronting
reality is what members of Alcoholics Anonymous mean by "hitting bottom."
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Old 11-10-2012, 07:06 AM
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I could relate with this.

I needed a glass of wine too.

I needed something to take the edge off. I told myself it was fun.

It wasn't fun though when I drank, and kept drinking, and got sick, and upset everyone.

I can't tell you how many times, I took that drink, because I needed it, drank too much, had the next day blues, felt better, and drank again.

Spree, remorse, spree, remorse...this is the pattern.

It doesn't sound like you are in denial to me.

You are here. You wrote out that you drank to much and had problems as a result.

If you can manage to not drink too much....problem solved.

What has your experience been with trying to stop and being able to stay stopped?

This will show you your truth.

My sponsor used to tell me...

"What you have is an opportunity"...when I would tell her about my problem.

If the problem is alcohol, and drinking too much of it....and we SEE that....

we have an opportunity to change.

We are shown...and we get to say Thank you God, for showing me this which has no place in my life.

Then we get to turn away from, decide, cut off, old ways....

It gets worse. Keep drinking and it will get worse. My experience is that it gets much worse.

I have been drinking for over 30 years. I wish I changed when I too had my first red flags.

But I didn't. I drank, and drank, and drank, and drank...

Some people have a different reaction to alcohol.

Some people like to drink.

Some people need to drink.

Some people drink and have a couple and stop.

Some people take that drink, and can't stop...

It has taken me a very long time to concede that I cannot take even one drink. I tried all ways to make drinking work.

If you have that mental obsession to drink...the thoughts to drink even after we have had bad times with it....and then once you take the drink, you can't control how much you drink...

These are the real earmark of the alcoholic.

To thine own self be true.

Hitting rock bottom is the time that you ask God to help you, because you have reached a point of despair, or truth about you and your drinking.

You can hit bottom today.

The bottom of how far you wish to dig.

Let this be your bottom.
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Old 11-10-2012, 07:14 AM
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I got sober when I was 17. A year before I got sober I overdosed. They thought I was dead when they found me at the end of a dead end street. Chalked me out and everything. I woke up in the hospital, the next thing I knew I was in the state hospital. It didn't phase me a bit. I thought it was a joke. The nut house doped me up enough to make it a party.

Even more arrest for a bunch of drunken disorderly/ resisting arrest, court dates,jail, rehab, etc., etc., didn't phase me. What brought me to my bottom was when I just wanted to stop on my own to prove I didn't have a problem. I couldn't. My last drunk was when I was on my way to an AA meeting. My mind changed in two blocks and I found myself plastered. That was my bottom. I got honest and saw that I couldn't stop on my own. Bottom is not a state, but a state of mind. For me it was honesty.
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