The situation in your house is escalating Liz and I'm very scared for you.
I went through the same power struggle. It was passive aggressive... No yelling or screaming which my XAH used to justify that all was "okay.". It wasn't. Under all the silence is a rage building like you can even imagine... And when it surfaced... It was horrifying.
Stop fooling yourself. You and your son ARE in danger. You and your AH are playing a deadly game with each other... And your son is stuck in the middle. Neither of you are "in" the marriage. Do the right thing and pull the plug.
I know we aren't suppose to give advice... So apologize... This thread hit a nerve in me... A big one.