"The War Of The Roses"
Is there any way that the two of you could get together with someone like a solid friend and just say to each-other what is really going on?
You have both been playing at getting help.
There is no real honesty.
He thinks/knows that you have one foot out the door, and visa versa.
This is going nowhere.
Regarding the birthday, I am glad that the birthday went well, but to be quite honest,
it would have been fine anyway.
Every single childhood celebration in my house growing up was ruined by the emotionally bankrupt father. I wish my mother had just plowed ahead with her own life.
It is like being behind a slow incompetent driver on the road.
"If you cannot drive, that is OK, but could you please pull over, so the rest of us who can go and not all have to sit behind you crawling along?"
One person should not have that control over everyone else in the house.
I had many friends who had fathers who were not father of the year material.
They just brought home the bacon and left the mother do their thing.
But, they didn't ruin everything, kind of like the medical thing, "First, do no harm".