fml23, welcome. I'm pretty new, too. SR is a wonderful place. I hate that we need it but am so grateful it's here. There is a lot of wisdom and support here, and people understand in a way that people who haven't been there cannot. I'm so glad that you want to find the "you." What I am learning every day is how much we CAN'T control our alcoholic husbands. We can only control ourselves.
I get very caught up in the back-and-forth stuff too. THe last few days, my husband hardly drank and it was nice. Tonight, I came home to THAT guy. Roller coaster. It's a struggle, and it's hard to know what to do, but as people here keep reminding me, nothing needs to be finalized today. I suggest you keep coming here, give alanon another try, and educate yourself. Melody Beattie's books are good. You might also benefit from Robin Norwood's Women Who Love Too Much. Check out the 'stickies' at the top.
Take care of yourself and your daughter. The rest will become clear in time.