Thanks for the responses! I tried an al anon meeting but I was quite literally so choked the whole time I just sat and tried not to cry! I cant explain but the tragedy of all that has been lost to drinking was like a ton if bricks falling on me. I think I am only just now ready to face the alcoholism.
The emphasis on my daughters well being is really the best motivation I can find to keep trucking. I have a very supportive family and I have been asking for help a lot. Desire the challenges she is a happy and bright toddler. Although I put her first I do also find it difficult to think too far into the future on how these times will effect her. This only leads me to feel a tremendous burden of guilt.