In need of a little inspiration!
Hi. This is my first post here. I'm married to an alcoholic and am in need of a little inspiration!
My husband and I have been struggling and battling through his untreated depression and use of alcohol to cope. We have a 20 month old and have been married 3 years.
In the three years we've been married (and occasionally while dating) we have been on this roller coaster. I set boundaries and they are broken. I get sucked into the terrible and confusing back and forth of 'maybe it isn't the alcohol' or accepting tiny improvements in place of really solid plans to move forward. A year ago, during a particularly bad night of arguing my husband punched me in front of our daughter. This violation was enough for me to check my codependency and move into my parents and stick to my guns. After some time my husband agreed to counseling. The funny thing is, I let it be with the intent of improving our marriage. Not about us dealing with his alcoholism and depression.
The counseling helped for a time and my husband said he no longer wanted to go. So we moved forward. He has been moderating his drinking with occasional slips into more severe episodes.
We are at a cross roads. After several weeks of fighting I have moved back I with my parents. I realized that even though my husband may not be getting black out drunk everyday anymore, he's still an alcoholic and all the anger, confusion, hurt, and chaos this disease has done needs to be addressed. I am very codependent and having trouble understanding what that means and how to face it. I don't want to be married to an alcoholic.
I need some guidance, some stories of where others have started and how to begin the process of finding the 'me' outside of this chaos and addiction .
Thanks in advance for any replies. I feel better just having found this community.